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She asks me to tell her a story,
a quiet ignorance of the self,
separation from
the unaffected scratches
on her freshwater skin and
years she spent
searching for the dreams orbiting
her like forlorn moons;

love happens on the sharp
nights unbalanced with
a little too much of the things
you don’t understand. She never
liked her eyes, full and honest and an
unignorable admittance she was real.

But she never was a cheater,
she claims, no one
put a price on her; the things she gave
away cost too much like
doctored up, re-polished
silence. Sounds familiar.

Imagine a place where
no one has a nightmare. No one
has a voice, their lives are
in their hands: calloused and
beautiful. They wake unweathered
and they are not blind and

she is the sun, unaware she
could never catch her
dreams. Even now, she

wants to be a bird when she
grows up (the endless cliché
when you’ve already sold all your
time in exchange for a pleasant
absence of memories)
with wind gliding down her back
and hollow bones, beautiful and free.

We are the petty things. Flesh wounds
and broken vessels, bleeding out like
someone gives a damn. She sighs.
In a week, she will be gone.

I tell her a story before she
flies away.
I needed a story.

Please tell me if I look like I'm trying to hard to be profound.
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:iconsutathewolf:
Sutathewolf Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Student General Artist
"Imagine a place where
no one has a nightmare. No one
has a voice, their lives are
in their hands: calloused and
beautiful.
"

I really liked this bit. Beautiful poem, with wonderful imagery. So good <3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're so sweet :heart:
Reply
:iconsutathewolf:
Sutathewolf Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Student General Artist
:hug:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I don't think you're trying too hard.
Ya seem to come by it naturally, Maddie.
Nice work. (:
Reply
:iconnothingspecial62:
NothingSpecial62 Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013   General Artist
"we are the pretty things."
such a simple line, but it really caught me. ;u; i like it... i could say it a thousand times and never get tired of it.

i think, at least in the form of free verse poetry, that you have created a story. it has a beginning, a middle, and an end just as a story should.

'v' i don't think you're "trying too hard" to be profound either.
it's your voice, your works, and you always do a good job in my personal opinion. please continue being beautiful. <3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
asdfghjklkjhgfdsa i will certainly try <3 thankyousomuch
Reply
:iconnothingspecial62:
NothingSpecial62 Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013   General Artist
> w< hooray, i'm glad, and you're welcome! <33
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013   Writer
This is really good, but seems to get lost a bit somewhere in the middle(had to read quite a few times to understand it - never really read poetry that's free verse that has a lot of characters in it, and that might be why I got lost), but the end brings it back together.

I really like this part -
"put a price on her; the things she gave
away cost too much like
doctored up, re-polished
silence. Sounds familiar."
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! I don't do story-ish things a lot.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your "trying too hard" comes off to me like it's the easiest thing in the world to you. Therefore, this is fantastic. Though the story you're trying to tell can be a bit confusing at first, I like what I've pieced together in my mind after reading it over. "Imagine a place where no one has a nightmare..." at first, it makes it seem like everything is all right. But then... "no one has a voice, their lives are in their hands" makes me believe that everything is just mechanical. They do what they're told. Exactly how I feel sometimes--a robot who has the yearning deep inside to just snap one day and do/say all the things I've wanted to for so long.

Okay rambling's done.

Basically, to sum up, I love this. As usual with your pieces. It feels like nine times out of ten they speak to me more than I want to admit.

This little lovely definitely does exactly that.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You just have the most wonderful rambling. I love to see what you got from my words and I'm really touched to know that they spoke to you.

Thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2013  Student Writer
Trying too hard? Doesn't seem like you're trying at all, for this just flows, dousing us readers in wonder =)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:la: thank you so much!
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Student Writer
=D You're welcome!
Reply
:iconschneekrahe:
schneekrahe Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"the things she gave
away cost too much like
doctored up, re-polished
silence. Sounds familiar."

ahhh god you. this little bit in particular made me all yesss good, but all of this is utterly wonderful. and you are brilliant and i hope you never have to doubt that. <3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ahhh god you are far too kind. ;u; thank you so much for your support, it really keeps me going.
Reply
:iconschneekrahe:
schneekrahe Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i try. x);;
and yours for me <3 you're so very welcome~
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
sounds like spoken word, honestly.

for some reason I heard Shane Koyczan reading this.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm so in love with spoken word that i often try to imitate it c:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I've definitely done that before.
Reply
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