My days and moments
and gestures and emotions have all begun
to blur and blend together until I'm not sure
what I was to start with
I can't separate these things anymore and
every person is anything and
time seems to go nowhere,
because I've torn a hole in my pocket
that has allowed the drainage of my sanity and youth
to continue, uninhibited.
I can't get any of it back,
blurry memories and all
but maybe I wouldn't want to.
I'm losing definitions
as I'm finding new words,
and even if I don't know what they mean,
I know how to say them
which is just as well.
Sometimes I worry
that if you weighed my thoughts on a scale,
you wouldn't like the way it tipped
and you'd realize I'm really
less than nothing.
Maybe that doesn't matter
as long as my heart still shines
and the sun still bleeds
and my lungs still expand
in an appropriate fashion.
Although, I think when I breathe in,
it's this reality that has begun to destroy
my lungs. Toxic oxygen.
And that's why I'm wasting away;
my body rejects anything that's real.
People always tell me to breathe,
take it easy, and
but they never tell me who that is.
Just to keep dreaming.
So I dreamed to save the world,
but I didn't have a cape
and I gave up.
So I dreamed to taste the sky,
but they told me it could only be touched
and I gave up.
Then I dreamed to write a poem
because once a boy told me he would create one
about the shine in my eyes when the lights were dim,
but it only turned out to be an
I cut apart his words
and glued them into something new
which I called my history
disjointed, and lacking
but me, all the same.
I thought up a million questions to ask him
but then the hole in my pocket grew bigger
and I forgot what and why I wanted to ask,
and also his name.
I tried to stop the earth's rotation
so I could remember, but time blurs on
as I drift along with it;
holding onto scraps and words
I don't fully understand,
because one day, they'll mean
something. And if you weighed my thoughts, then-
you'd be proud.
And maybe then I'd find myself.
And maybe then I could finally taste the sky.
I could breathe,
And I'd finally know what this all means.
Quite impossible, I know
but people always told me to