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there’s a lot I never told you

1. I have a habit of lying, about
the simple things (like, yes I
forgot to remember and I swear by
soul mates and I’m in love
with your susurrus voice
and no, I’m really doing fine).

It was not an act of infidelity because
I believed it, too.

2. I’m infatuated with the concept
that I am more or less fictional, the
delusive beauty a million men will
dedicate novels to: I am fragile,

a dust angel sent to save the world
from commonalities and
myself.

3. Since I’m not allowed
to remember your name

I will commemorate you
in acts of escapism,
killing off the pieces
of the person you left behind.

4. I believe in a past life
I was a bird with a tendency
towards tall buildings; the sorry kind
of bird with heavy bones and crumpled wings
who never quite learned
to fly away.

5. I miss you. I used to think
you were a person, but now I know
you’re the happiness I will never
see.

6. I'm sorry.
to no one in particular

the truth as I see it

(five: i spend so much time missing things, insubstantial things; i just miss the time when i was happy)
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:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello, I wanted to let you know I've used your lovely title in my newest Title Poem, 'ghost eyes and disparagement'. If you wanted to read it, the link is here - but this comment is really just to let you know how I've made use of your gorgeous title. :)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
that's lovely <3
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart:
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:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
These are the things that this said to me: it's hard to be completely honest with yourself, it's so easy to romanticize yourself so that you can come up with an excuse for life turning out the way it does, and that happiness is so elusive that it can almost seem like a real person who you just can't quite find or remember.

This made me so incredibly sad. It's beautiful. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much :heart: also, I've been meaning to tell you, I love the new name
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. :heart: And thank you! I just wanted something that I thought was more...representative of me.
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:iconvermilionnight:
Vermilionnight Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013
Wow. this speaks to me.. its almost like i lived it <3 i feel as though i lived this at one point in my life. of course i was rather Faceless in the relationship. i always wanted her to know i cared cus i was rather sarcastic but now i feel as though i cant. she's gone far away :\ And i cannot contact her for lack of knowledge of her number Sigh.. I guess love is like a flower. it too withers and dies
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
good luck with moving on, sorry to hear you felt the same <3 i wish you the best
Reply
:iconvermilionnight:
Vermilionnight Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013
yes indeed! i wish i could have said goodbye. Though in a way i did. It ended abruptly afterall! look at me. using big words :D
Reply
:iconsuccesswithhonor:
successwithhonor Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013  Student Writer
"I believe in a past life
I was a bird with a tendency
towards tall buildings; the sorry kind
of bird with heavy bones and crumpled wings
who never quite learned
to fly away.
"

mhm. this stanza is absolutely breathtaking-- there's so much you're trying to say that sometimes (a lot of the times) the teeny little metaphors work. THIS is one of those times.

i must say, the use of text numerals is rather distracting, especially in the clash with capitalization. i agree with your use of numerical divisions, though i feel as though roman numerals or even numbers themselves would suffice. also (and this may be so for a personal reason, and if so, don't change worry about it), i feel as though stanza six is too cliche of an ending-- it almost clashes with the beautiful flow of the rest of the piece; the "five" you leave in your description would serve as a fantastic end in its own.

altogether, fabulous. great read :coffeecup:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for the kind words and the feedback, as well. i agree with the problem with text numerals, and changed it to simply numbers. i think i'll keep the last section, though. it really is quite cliche, but i was trying to be honest with myself here. i originally had it laid out differently so 6 and 5 were flipped around but it flowed better like this. i may still change it when i can look at this piece a little more objectively.

thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconinverted-shadows:
Inverted-Shadows Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is beautiful. Well done my little butterfly, happiness seems to come when we are not looking for it. Its kind of how when the more we pursue the moon (as we walk closer to it) it seems to move further away from us but if you accept it where it is and learn to simply admire it for what it is the magic just comes to life all on its own. Strange how things work. I wrote a comment on a poem by MrSarcasticBeast here [link]. Find it, maybe it'll be useful to you.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for such a lovely comment <3
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Student Writer
Getting a weight off your heart hon? :huggle:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Student Writer
:glomp:
Reply
:iconblacksilhoutte:
BlackSilhoutte Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful work!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! :heart:
Reply
:icontheantianti-drug:
TheAntiAnti-Drug Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This is so unique. 0;
You thought outside the box, again.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: thank you!
Reply
:iconarchaictears:
ArchaicTears Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013
" I used to think
you were a person, but now I know
you’re the happiness I will never
see."


This hit very close to home for me. Basically an online relationship that dragged me south so fast I almost drowned. Thankfully I remembered how to swim...
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm glad things got better, thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013
the second section is beautiful.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconsirlorcan:
SirLorcan Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013
Lovely poem. Sad and mysterious but at the same time real.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconsirlorcan:
SirLorcan Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
You're welcome:)
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wonderful work, Maddie. :heart:

This, especially:

two. I’m infatuated with the concept
that I am more or less fictional, the
delusive beauty a million men will
dedicate novels to: I am fragile,

a dust angel sent to save the world
from commonalities and
myself.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:!
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think three is the strongest stanza in this piece. It just really speaks for itself.

As a whole, this is brutal, raw, agonizing, and all around absolutely wonderful.

Stahp writing so fantastically. :|

jk continue so i can lurbe you
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
sdjasgfhasga thank you, that was probably the most passive aggressive one ;-;
Reply
:iconneverthewanted:
NeverTheWanted Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think... you've been spying on me.

That's just a bit closer to home than I ever expected to read...
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm always touched to know someone else feels the same. thank you :heart:
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:iconneverthewanted:
NeverTheWanted Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart:
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:iconbullcross:
Bullcross Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That's prose, yet it's in the category 'poetry', I'm sure you can change it from the options
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
well... this is actually poetry, just with conventional grammar structure. thank you, though.
Reply
:iconbluezbreakr:
Bluezbreakr Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013
Clearly you need to refine your understanding of the term "poetry".
Reply
:iconbullcross:
Bullcross Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"Clearly" is such a nice word for a comment like yours. I don't want to get started again...just one thing, read those "free verses" flooding us. I am... stunned.
Reply
:iconbrookelind2000:
brookelind2000 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This... I don't know... it stirs some kind of feeling deep inside... It's beautifically tragic :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm honored to know it stirred something, thank you <3
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013   Writer
Oh. Wow.

Beautiful. Sad. Nostalgic, somehow.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you <3
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013   Writer
You are most welcome!
Reply
:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This... makes me want to cry? Maybe I will have a more detailed comment for you later, but for now, this makes me want to cry.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm sorry! thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Don't apologize, I meant it in the best way possible. <3
I can't stop thinking about four, but two is just so... almost guiltily introspective, and five (addendum included) is the saddest bit, and 'I swear by / soul mates' is the sort of line that intrigues and captures. I also love the way you start off by telling us that you have a habit of lying, so even though the rest of it may seem heartbreakingly honest, there's that undercurrent of doubt that makes it all the more agonizingly beautiful. And... ramble over. In summary, I love it. (:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ahh you said it all so perfectly, it's like you're in my head. thank you so much for all your rambles, it has really made my day :heart:
Reply
:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I imagine, based on your work, that your head is quite a magical place to be. (:
I'm delighted to hear it~ and you are perfectly welcome. <3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
;u; you are just too lovely, thank you so much <3
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