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Once upon a vapid day in
a town full of glazed-eyed murmurs
ultimately amounting to nothing, she
met a boy who said he'd calculated the
probabilities of wishes and knew what it felt like
to breathe a dream. He told her he'd write
her the world, he'd tell of the promises the
oceans kept and the way the stars never
quite compared to her eyes

but he lied.
And she figured love fancied
narcissism the same way she believed herself
deliquescent. (because we're always looking
for the prettiest ways to say we're
dying inside.)

Then on a broken night that tasted of
lucid intoxication and blind reminiscing,
she met a boy built of big words
whose heart sounded authentic [enough],
and when he called her beautiful,
she really believed him.

that is, until the wind stole him away
in the form of a pretty girl who meant
more and was worth less. She
concluded that love feared dying alone
(just as much as she did) and

maybe it wasn't such a travesty to succumb
and let substantiality crash over you. Maybe
giving up was some romantic stand and some day
a pure entity of matching ideals would come and
make her remember why she wasted every prayer
on someone who would look at her and find her
truly perfect.

But waiting never warranted anything, and as she
fell in synch with a gray-scale world, she learned
one last poignant point-

Love would never love
her.
These are the things we learn and the things we carry with us.

(The first poem I've been proud of in a while.)

Recommended read out loud.
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:iconinkatmidnight:
InkatMidnight Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student Writer
i devoured this. you're stunning.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh my gosh. you are too kind to be real.
Reply
:iconbookbrink:
bookbrink Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ooh, I really like the part where you say 'we're always looking for the prettiest way to say we're dying inside.'
Also, I thought the end was very good. It's kind of empty, but don't worry -- I meant it in a good way ;D
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, that was my favorite line :love:

And I'm glad it was empty in a good way, that was my hope :aww:
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:iconbookbrink:
bookbrink Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, good then!
Reply
:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Gorgeous. I don't even know what else to say.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:love: My goodness, you are so kind! Thank you!
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:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It was truly my pleasure.
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
This is utterly fantastic! :wow:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Goodness, thank you so much for your kind words! :tighthug:
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:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
You are most welcome! :la:
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:iconhaanyaan:
Haanyaan Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
I'm gonna sit here and worship you, if that's okay.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
oh my goodness. how are you so sweet :tighthug:
Reply
:iconhaanyaan:
Haanyaan Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Student Writer
im not that sweet, im stating truth and sheer amazement <3 :glomp:
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:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You. Are. Wonderful.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ashdfgjhsaf I wish I thought that too, my gosh, thank you so much dear :huggle:
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You've no reason to not feel that way =]
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist

but he lied.
And she figured love fancied
narcissism the same way she believed herself
deliquescent. (because we're always looking
for the prettiest ways to say we're
dying inside.)


best and beautiful stanza
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much :tighthug:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome :hug:
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:icondanieldgriffiths:
DanielDGriffiths Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012   Writer
This is wonderfully written, and tragically beautiful. :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
So I read this three times, and I'm still sitting here, staring at the screen in wonder.. trying to make sense of what you have written. This is absolutely brilliant..breathtaking. You have captured this so wonderfully.. I would post my favorite lines..but im pretty sure there would be 20 of them. Also..I rarely read a poem where I have to go look up one of the words. Deliquescent is the word of the year. A great job here.. and I'm going to feature you in a journal.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are far too nice to be real. Thank you so so much. A lovely poet told me about that word and I knew I had to use it somewhere; this felt like the perfect place. Again, thank you. You help me remember why I need to write :love:
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:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
I'm like a teenage Pinocchio. A real boy in a fake world. And it is far too dark and dreary a world to waltz blindly by and not stop to speak the truth, and to spread a little light in a black hearted world. I am glad I could uplift you, and I hope your hand cramps for the number of poems you write. I will read them until my eyes are burning and begging for sleep. :)
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012   General Artist
Heartfelt, much like your soul. Excellent job, madpie! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You always have the kindest comments. Thank you so much, lovely :huggle:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012   General Artist
So sorry its taken me forever to reply, my laptop crashed 5 days ago and I just got it 2 days ago and I've been real sick with the flu for 3 days and counting :sick:
You're always most welcome and most deserving of them, darling! :iconlaloveplz:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
OH NO! Please feel better, I need you to be healthy! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so very much, madpie! :tighthug:

:sneeze:

:heart:
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconfinallyplz:

this is so beautiful! "breathe a dream" aaaah that's so good. it gets so sad at the end but i'm so excited that it's so good. haha. well done! you are a very, very good writer.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
asjdhfghsdgg what an honor from such a beautiful writer. Thank you! (And thank you for showing me deliquescent, as well :))
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
aww you're welcome.
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Student Writer
This is... wow... :tighthug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :huggle:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome =)
Reply
:iconwregular:
wregular Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
I had to look up deliquescent mid-flow but oddly enough that made it all the more powerful, reading a sober definition on dictionary.com then coming back to the image of pretty death.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
A friend actually told me about that word, and I thought it was so beautiful in such a sad way. I'm so glad you think that, it's everything I hoped would be accomplished from including it and more. Thank you so much :heart:
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