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:iconintricately-ordinary: More from intricately-ordinary


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Literature by SomethingOnceSacred

Literature by CelestialMemories

Poetry by melodysnow


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Submitted on
November 19, 2012
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we're waiting

emaciated souls fall among the
promises of a better day,
memories drape like skeletons,
and we sleep, hands together,
to try and be pious prior to death.

we forgot how long it takes to take
a life, as we write novels about heroes
and purity that we're too afraid to call
myths. the art of distraction is a
nasty one, at that.

the clouds are rending, it's always
hurricane season when the trees cry and
the oceans mourn. the heavens are
caving on top of us as the children
dance in the rain. purged clean,
washed out, they were expecting to be

free- but there are still spiders in their
throats, crawling through their voices,
and holes in their heads for the breeze
to whistle through.

they're the lucky ones, though, at the
end of the day. their vocabulary
only consists of the word please,
while we have a million ways to say
we've failed.

our only wishes are made to make the
horror corrode away

we're waiting to be saved
I'm just waiting for things to fall into place.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012
so I came back to read this again ( I like to go through and browse my favorites..) and I love this more now than the first three times I read it.

"we forgot how long it takes to take
a life, as we write novels about heroes
and purity that we're too afraid to call
myths."

This is just brilliant. probably my favorite line here.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so very honored! :love: Thank you so much for such a lovely comment, I'm touched to know you still enjoy it.
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Writer
Many of us do wait, because we... just don't know how to act...
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
well, I think most of our life is actually waiting.
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Student Writer
:nod: That's true.
Reply
:iconprideofpanem:
PrideofPanem Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student General Artist
I think the best part is " It's always hurricane season when the trees cry and the oceans mourn"
Shivers all over.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
OH I'm so excited it had that effect!

sidenote: I adore your new icon! :love:
Reply
:iconprideofpanem:
PrideofPanem Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you very much :D I actually took that picture in my work parking lot. :P
Reply
:iconcarlogrims:
CarloGrims Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Writer
I agree with Alec about the accuracy in your dark imagery.
However, it's the "Memento Mori" premise I love the most. It is an extremely bold premise because our society is even more afraid of mortality than past cultures. No one wants to hear about it and here you go as far as to acknowledge the fact that children also bear the taint.
Many people spend their time fearing death instead of living life to the fullest....This poem is for them.

High perception is rare these days, it's good to see it in action. I respect you and admire you for posting this.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
People have a really interesting love/hate relationship with the way death affects their life. They either live like they're invincible, or they spend their whole lives in fear. I'm really interested with how much you found that theme in this poem, there are definitely a lot of dread overtones. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, I can't tell you how much it means.
Reply
:iconthypoetsorcerer:
ThyPoetSorcerer Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
OMG I swear I could actually feel my heart thumping faster in my chest after the third stanza. Each of the stanzas offers a unique pathos, when combined together the profundity effect is unmeasurable.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so honored it could have that effect! Thank you so much! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconemilyericson:
emilyericson Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are one of the few people on Deviant Art who can actually write poetry.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:faint: asdfghjkkrht
you are far too nice
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm jealous of how well you word your lines.
"memories drape like skeletons" is very vivid. The third stanza has some stunning imagery. Well done! :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! I'm always trying to find new ways of doing imagery, so I'm glad to hear it worked.
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:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :) You're doing it very well so far!
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
great piece. captivating first couple of stanzas.
really enjoyed this one despite the darkness.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :love:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
Don't be sorry! Thats what poetry is about.. to make me think, and to make me feel something when I read these words. The poem itself doesnt make me sad.. the truth it conveys does. The second third and fourth stanzas are dynamite.. like I said.. brilliantly written. I just wish there was a way to change this particular truth.
Reply
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
this one makes me sad, but I still love it. And it's so true..so many of us are waiting for a savior...when chances are that hero will never come. wonderfully written.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry it made you sad! thank you very much :heart:
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