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Literature Text
your hand on the door, you whisper
with breath reeking of buyer's remorse
"it's better this way,
you need a guy who won't make you cry—
you need a guy who wants to stay"
and you believe it
goosebumps spread on your arms
from the chill of frozen eyes
and words can't make it better, but—
"it never would have worked, anyway
you need more than I could ever give.
you deserve better than me."
and you don't acknowledge your broken logic.
(because once, you would've given the world.
but pouty lips and honeyed words aren't
as sweet as you remembered.)
and maybe you've convinced yourself
that if you're so eager to leave,
it's truly for the best
except
you once fulfilled all those needs.
when times get tough
it's not enough
that fragile hearts are made of glass—
because maybe you've convinced yourself
you deserve better.
"I really did care about you"
you liked the way your heart fluttered,
but you know it's nothing
special. that patterned excitement
in your chest, that once made you smile
and swear you'd found the one
is gone.
and, you want to go with it.
the air is chilly;
you pretend you don't know why,
and words begin to fall from the mouth previously
sealed shut, because it had been deprived of energy
and a reason.
but now-
there's a question.
"didn't I used to mean something
to you?
when did that change?"
you don't know an answer
but you know you're afraid of the fingers
clenched white, and the expectant eyes that
expect a little too much from you
like things you can't give, because
you lied about why you really cared.
the heart you never gave doesn't feel the same.
the silence is heavy,
you go,
even though you were never really there.
it's warm, outside;
you pretend you don't know why,
and you let yourself forget
about when you actually felt something.
(because, maybe,
you never really did)
with breath reeking of buyer's remorse
"it's better this way,
you need a guy who won't make you cry—
you need a guy who wants to stay"
and you believe it
goosebumps spread on your arms
from the chill of frozen eyes
and words can't make it better, but—
"it never would have worked, anyway
you need more than I could ever give.
you deserve better than me."
and you don't acknowledge your broken logic.
(because once, you would've given the world.
but pouty lips and honeyed words aren't
as sweet as you remembered.)
and maybe you've convinced yourself
that if you're so eager to leave,
it's truly for the best
except
you once fulfilled all those needs.
when times get tough
it's not enough
that fragile hearts are made of glass—
because maybe you've convinced yourself
you deserve better.
"I really did care about you"
you liked the way your heart fluttered,
but you know it's nothing
special. that patterned excitement
in your chest, that once made you smile
and swear you'd found the one
is gone.
and, you want to go with it.
the air is chilly;
you pretend you don't know why,
and words begin to fall from the mouth previously
sealed shut, because it had been deprived of energy
and a reason.
but now-
there's a question.
"didn't I used to mean something
to you?
when did that change?"
you don't know an answer
but you know you're afraid of the fingers
clenched white, and the expectant eyes that
expect a little too much from you
like things you can't give, because
you lied about why you really cared.
the heart you never gave doesn't feel the same.
the silence is heavy,
you go,
even though you were never really there.
it's warm, outside;
you pretend you don't know why,
and you let yourself forget
about when you actually felt something.
(because, maybe,
you never really did)
Literature
Frozen
The still waters stare in front of me
[like a glassy cage]
A mirror of my soul
L i g h t n i n g without its
T h u n d e r . . .
A golden leaf floats out of the clutches
of a golden tree
lands on the water
without a single r i p p l e ...
To protrude the closed-off heart.
Literature
Crystal Snow
Blow on high,
dance now crystal snow
Light the painted sky
touch the Earth below
Shimmering stars,
gentle flakes descend from heaven
Wisps of god-wrought joy
their blessings now are given
Fall so fair,
Heaven's boldest wings brought low
Blow on high
fly now crystal snow
Exhale once more,
the night now so alive.
Ghostly breath entwined below
above, a glorious sky
Snow globe scene,
a moment's grace suspended
Crystalline dreams
within a world so splendid
Blow on high,
fill me crystal snow
Embrace the glimmering trees
…and wake my slumbering soul.
Literature
Beneath The Ice Sheet
It was a lonely cold winter's day
Not cold enough to freeze the leaves
But cold enough that as I exhale
It made visible this air that I breathe
The frozen grass around the pond
Creaks under my lead weight feet
Only fog alone will now obscure
What lies beneath the ice sheet
Are mine the only eyes to see her
Why is she still in her night clothes
Will she not be cold alone down there
Perhaps she has long since froze
And if so how does she talk to me
Knowing exactly how I think
Staring so long into her face
One day I'm sure I saw her blink
It was a lonely cold winter's day
I'd been here many times before
My parents told me to st
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I have the irrational fear everyone will leave me. I say irrational, because I know it's dumb (the same way my fears of sneezes and people poking my stomach are irrational.) But, I still worry.
Because there's always going to be buyer's remorse. And sometimes, I worry people won't think I'm worth the price.
I wrote this in second person, which is a first for me.
Tell me what you think.
Because there's always going to be buyer's remorse. And sometimes, I worry people won't think I'm worth the price.
I wrote this in second person, which is a first for me.
Tell me what you think.
© 2012 - 2024 intricately-ordinary
Comments34
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactThis piece is written brilliantly!
In the first stanza, your use of parenthesis makes the details encloused in them seem like an afterthough to the speaker. I think this is really effective because the speaker is focusing on the person leaving, and thus they would notice other details only minutely (though also seeming significant too).
I like your use of dialouge in the poem as well. This technique also adds to the piece and gives it a really realistic quality, it's actually happening, and it's not just a story. The dialouge really helped me to connect to the poem.
The lack of capitalisation except for "I" was also really awesome. It added to the flow of the poem and the sense that it was really happening, connecting to the reader. It also put emphasis on the "I" and how the speaker feels/felt.
Your choice of words for the poem are excellent. Everything fits and flows. I love "the silence is heavy" and "(beacause, maybe,/you never really did)" <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/l/l…" width="26" height="17" alt="
" title="Love"/> Both are lovely phrases and the latter closes the poem powerfully. Overall the whole piece is brilliant, (ha, I'm repeating myself...) and I love it! I truely can't find anything you'd need to improve on. Sorry...? <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Smile)"/>A sidenote, or P.S. : There are always going to be stupid people who leave because they feel slighted or upset. I know someone who is like that and it's sad because they miss out on great friendships. I want you to know that you're worth it. I know people say sorta cliche stuff like that a lot, but I say it because it's true. You're part of a whole community of people who all contribute and review and help each other. Even if one peson leaves you, there are many more who are willing to help you back up. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/g/g…" width="47" height="20" alt="
" title="Glomp!"/><img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title="Blush"/> I hope my mini-speech helps. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="38" height="15" alt="
" title="Hug"/>