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he always spoke of the romantic stance in a smoker
whose every gasp was like a suicidal swansong, he
wrapped himself up so tightly in unwarranted wishing, when
they stripped him free, he then stumbled into the sunlight
and burnt [out]

no one laced his pillows with lavender and moonbeams
and all the other things that call dreams out from
hiding; but he still prayed upside-down overdone
every evening for a falling star to find its way
back home.

instead, they surrounded him with [a grain of]
salt circles like curses to draw out the weaknesses
temptation had embedded in him, because
nothing beautiful was ever built atop a rotten foundation
(one exception: architecture of shattered resplendence)
and no one ever got anywhere by treating the
thorns in their side as a reminder to remain
more prominent than the injuries they would inflict.

he's broken (he does not reflect) he wanes and worries
as his heart choruses "not enough," ever-growing
as his fears acclimate and his pulse sings- some
things remain unfixed;
but he takes pride in the intrinsic etches of
his eyes, he flaunts that he's an insomniac
who knows the true gravity in a pair of
rotating hips.

when he cries, he ages backwards, and newborn
tears mar his face. fleshy soft scars remind
him only of where he came and
the cycle repeats.
he believes the world to be a faltering masquerade
where deception is beauty and the only sin is not
keeping up,

he confuses splinters with splendor, and upon his
breakdowns he mistakes crumpled form and lackluster
longevity for something truly special.
Life never returned his sentiments.

I've been inspired lately by a lot of things people I care about have said and a lot of beautiful spoken word I've been listening to. :love:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
This is incredible and interesting! Spectacular job! You really played with my imagination and I feel like I could envision him so clearly! A very compelling and sorrowful story!
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:love: I'm so happy he was a vivid character! Thank you!
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
You're welcome! ^^
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student General Artist
I love this. And I wish I could give you a more insightful comment as to why, but I can't seem to find the words. I just love the poem in its entirety. ^^ I wish I could read it aloud at the moment, because it seems like it'd be one of those poems that sound so much more powerful out loud, but unfortunately I can't. :XD:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student General Artist
You're so welcome! ^^
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012   General Artist
There is so much to call splendid in this piece! :love:
Excellent, excellent job, sweetheart! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm absolutely honored! Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012   General Artist
You are so very welcome, maddielove :heart: :heart: :heart:
Reply
:iconsilver-ships-fly:
silver-ships-fly Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
wow...WOW!!!
wonderful poem!
i never have good enough words to
say when it's about your writing.
:heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so honored! :la: I can't wait to look through all the other pieces!
Reply
:iconanarcho-hope:
anarcho-hope Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
Fucking dreamy. "He confuses splinters with splendor." Great job. Keep it up.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
wow, thank you so much
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student Writer
This is kind of brilliant actually =D Like everything is just how you view it... :love:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome! :love:
Reply
:iconthypoetsorcerer:
ThyPoetSorcerer Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You astonish me every single time. What a gorgeous piece, it rly showcases your boundless talent.

I Love this stanza:

"no one laced his pillows with lavender and moonbeams
and all the other things that call dreams out from
hiding; but he still prayed upside-down overdone
every evening for a falling star to find its way
back home."

You should consider writing a compendium and getting it published, I'd be the first one to buy your (e)book.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so incredibly honored! :heart:

And... haha, you might be the only one interested in a published piece by me xD but you are so sweet, thank you so much!
Reply
:iconthepoetboy:
thepoetboy Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is so beautiful i cant even pick a favourite stanza like i usually do, everything is just gorgeous<3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
wow! I'm honored you think that, thank you, you are so incredibly sweet :huggle:
Reply
:iconthepoetboy:
thepoetboy Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
aw its definitely my pleasure darling, i always look forward to reading your work♥♥

youre the sweet one!! :*
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is just so lovely. It's really taking me some effort to put proper words together so I can tell you how much I adore this piece of yours, Easily one of my favorites if your written works, without a doubt.

he's broken (he does not reflect) he wanes and worries
as his heart choruses "not enough," ever-growing
as his fears acclimate and his pulse sings- some
things remain unfixed;
but he takes pride in the intrinsic etches of
his eyes, he flaunts that he's an insomniac
who knows the true gravity in a pair of
rotating hips.


This stanza must be my favorite.

I really love that you've compared the subject to a mirror, almost, in that he is unable to 'reflect'. Like he's unable to look back upon something and draw from it, almost.

At least, that's what I take from it XD; I could be completely off base.

A beautiful work over-all, as usual, dear! You're so very talented.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
the first half of that came from something *Hfeather53 said, "about not being a mirror but a canvas." In her context, it's referring to the fact [he] can't simply mimic what people want him to be. But I absolutely adore the way you saw it, I think it fits in so well- the fact that he cannot look at himself and discern what is wrong.

Thank you so incredibly much! It's always such a compliment from such a wonderful writer :love:
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, just a beautiful analogy! I absolutely love that thought. X3

You need to just stop being so amazing, with your pretty descriptions and whatnot lol

And it is entirely my pleasure, darlin' X3 Always such a treat to read your work. I love it so much.
Reply
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
Ouch. This is wonderful, and so full of despair. These lines right here are my favorite, and capture, for me at least, the essence of this amazing poem.

"because
nothing beautiful was ever built atop a rotten foundation
(one exception: architecture of shattered resplendence)
and no one ever got anywhere by treating the
thorns in their side as a reminder to remain
more prominent than the injuries they would inflict."
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so very much! :heart:
Reply
:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
:iconbigheartplz:

I find it so difficult to see real emotion in a man until I am close enough to feel his breath on my cheek. It's hard, therefore, to read this and imagine a man with emotions such as this, because for me, it takes truly witnessing a man's emotions to believe he has any at all.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I realized that I don't think I've ever specifically examined a male figure in poetry, so this was my attempt at one. I'm so glad to hear it worked and you could see his emotions!
Reply
:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012
I'm guilty of the same; I don't deal much with men in any art form, drawing or writing. I certainly don't examine them objectively in my poetry. :lol: But yes, I do enjoy reading things that are put into a male's perspective. C:
Reply
:iconemilyericson:
emilyericson Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I think this is my new favorite of yours.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
oh my goodness, thank you so much :heart: I think it may be my favorite, too.
Reply
:iconemilyericson:
emilyericson Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's just... geez. Normally, I would quote a few lines or comment on how I really enjoyed one particular stanza, but I can't right now. It's all just so have-an-accident-in-your-pants-with-every-single-word worthy.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
;u; I'm so honored I can't even formulate a proper response, thankyousomuch
Reply
:iconemilyericson:
emilyericson Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're amazing! You deserve the praise!
Reply
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