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she speaks in vinegar riddles
and bides her time in shipwrecked
smiles- she's
ticking off days for the boy
with stormy eyes who promised
he'd be back in a season or
two.  he, who was

crafted from the leftover bits of the moon
and the meandering sky with runaway
stars lurking deep beneath his ribcage,
waiting to fall whenever he spoke
like a saint, whose divine sacraments
parted land and birthed lives; like a
sorcerer whose words launched a
thousand sunken ships but

now, she pops pills like reminders,
stabilizers that last 4-6 hours
depending on her ability to forget

and she's lost in herself
again, among faltering brainwaves
and wavering heartbeats and the
whimpering echo of her own worst fears

like: he's gone and he took all
that's good of me with him,
my weighted bones and my bated breath
and my lingering hope, too

that thing with feathers that
cries when it's plucked clean,
skeletal and bare and smooth
enough for me to rest my weary head on.

see, the ocean cracked and regurgitated
a misspent, unforgiving gust of
exhausted promises.

she still wears the necklace he
gave her, the wanderer who crafted
wreathes of forget-me-nots to bring
about the
sweet tongue she carried, now
turned salty and bitter and
perhaps a little toxic
too, because regret always
tastes the same brand of
lethal.

she decided
the most important word in life is goodbye.
Every story needs a conclusion.

(I'm beginning to realize that whenever I don't know what to write, I use a whole lot of silly imagery)
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:iconinklingsofoblivion:
InklingsOfOblivion Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hi lovely :wave: I've featured your wonderful work here: [link] :happybounce:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're the loveliest! :tighthug:
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:iconinklingsofoblivion:
InklingsOfOblivion Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
^^ :aww: thanks :). you're welcome :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
Hey there I featured this piece here and just thought I'd let you know.

Thanks!
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:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The artist's comment made me giggle - silly imagery! Sometimes, it may feel as though you are grasping, but it's all coming from the same place... and sometimes our minds are a crazy, convoluted place... as silly as it might feel, it certainly comes off quite differently :heart: And your imagery... ooooh :worship: It is something I admire about you so completely and utterly - I may even be jealous! And, as always, your word choice! Shipwrecked smiles & stormy eyes - now, she pops pills like reminders - whimpering echo... :heart: I love, love, love-love, love-love-love this!
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
My mind is most always a crazy and convoluted place! Haha, and thank you! Imagery is just my favorite thing ever, I love using it and I love writing it even more. Thank you so much, I'm so happy you love it! :aww:
Reply
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
;D It sounds like it could be likened to the most oddly organized yet most beautiful garden ever :heart: You're welcome! I can see that - it is definitely something that you use in a wonderfully skillful manner. It is my pleasure, Miss Intricately :worship:
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Student Writer
Not silly, it's really good imagery!

That last stanza... :wow: It's just perfect.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
AHH thank you so much! :heart:
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome!
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:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this was me one year ago.

thank you for writing it. <3
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so touched you could relate to it, thank you :heart:
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:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
of course, darling. <3
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:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Magnificent ending! ( I really liked the imagery! :la:)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you kindly! :iconlaloveplz:
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:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
You are most welcome! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconthypoetsorcerer:
ThyPoetSorcerer Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The dark and raw under-tones your abstract images pack are incredibly riveting, I naturally relate to this because it is a bit close to my own writing style.

Murakami wrote it best: "metaphors help eliminate what separates you and me." I believe so as well because IMO nothing exposes feelings more than a well crafted metaphor.

Anyway I think this is pretty far from "silly imagery"...And you know what's funny? I always have something to write about but it never ends up reading as awesome as this. Your talent is truly great.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I agree. Metaphors somehow manage to make things realer, because everyone can see the same story in their own eyes.

Oh my goodness. Thank you so much. I never thought anyone would like this piece, it's all the little pictures and ideas that have been drifting in my head. Your support means so much because you're such a stunning writer :heart:
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:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Writer
Holy shit. I was going to quote parts of this I thought were fantastic, but realized this comment would be incredibly long and filled with them. WONDERFUL
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ahh! Thank you so much, I'm so honored! :heart:
Reply
:iconstargirl2791:
stargirl2791 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
holy shit. this is amazing. one of the best poems i have ever read... :omg:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ohmylordie, that means the world to me! thank you so much!
Reply
:iconstargirl2791:
stargirl2791 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome! :)
Reply
:icongolden-leaves:
Golden-Leaves Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I came THIS close to crying, while reading this. You may not know what you're writing, but the wonderful thing about that... is that it means something completely different to different people. And it's beautiful.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so honored it had such an impact on you! thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconemilyericson:
emilyericson Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I wish I could favorite this three times. I don't think you could do anything that I wouldn't like. I am becoming a crazy stalker...
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ohmygosh you're so sweet. my very own stalker! :la: yayyy and a super awesome one, at that!
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:iconellipus-attack:
ellipus-ATTACK Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
using too much sort of vague imagery is a trap poets often fall into. obviously you have great control over figurative language, but i think you should start trying to focus it in to make a more powerful/personal poem c:
like i think you use pretty words for the sake of them sounding nice, rather than to complete a concept... which can be easily fixed with a bit of editing. in general i think this poem would be more effective if you put a bit more effort into determining which pieces of imagery are the most poignant. it becomes a bit contrived when every line is a metaphor that gets more and more complex. excellent start though :) i enjoyed it a lot
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much for the feedback. to be honest, normally I don't write like this. I'd just been struggling a little with an idea of what to write about, so my solution was to take images that had been in my head and try to verbalize them into a story. I'm always trying out new styles and techniques in my writing, to try and figure out what fits for me.
I appreciate your advice, and whether or not I do decide to go through and edit this ever, I will definitely use your tips as I continue to write.
Reply
:iconellipus-attack:
ellipus-ATTACK Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
getting out everything onto the page is an excellent starting point. don't be afraid to chisel it down through edits c: keep workin on it
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:iconzaphod-beeblebrox58:
Zaphod-Beeblebrox58 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
yeah, no not romantic poetry...I like the way your contrasting images draw you in

and no, no conclusion necessary
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really just put it there because I rarely ever write stories about relationships xD

and, I don't know if other people feel the same or if I'm simply irrational, but it frightens me when things end without a word. That's what I tried to show in the poem, a boy who left and never came back. I think you always need to end relationships to have closure.
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:iconzaphod-beeblebrox58:
Zaphod-Beeblebrox58 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I understand that feeling...it sucks when some one simply leaves, I write about that one way or another a lot.

When I opened my da account, I was in a silly mood and did not intend to keep it, Zaphod Beeblebrox is a character in the book "hitchhiker's guide to thr galaxy" .. and im still here
Reply
:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012   Writer
I read this while listening to a piece from the soundtrack to Road to Perdition. They went together so well. This is a dreamlike, devastating piece. The imagery and the metaphors in it were incredible. Wow.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I love that, when music and poetry manage to complement each other well. Thank you so much for your praise, it's so kind of you! :heart:
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:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
And again, you stop me in my tracks. This is lovely. Im running out of ways to say you're frickin awesome. Favorite line:

" because regret always
tastes the same brand of
lethal."
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm honored you think so!
You always make my day, thank you! :tighthug:
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:iconhaanyaan:
Haanyaan Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Writer
You know what? I'm all out of words to say every time I read your work, because you steal words from my brain and now I just can't even. :iconluvluvplz:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ohmygoodness you are just the loveliest person in the entire world, thank you so so much! :iconsuperheroglompplz:
Reply
:iconhaanyaan:
Haanyaan Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Writer
Im not but thank you :)
Its no problem at all ^^ :iconninjaglompplz:
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:iconstara-aquila:
Stara-Aquila Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Writer
Wow such clever words and images and dude. This really rocked my world.
I love the last bit...a lot...and the beginning...and the whole thing....xD
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so happy you think so! Thank you very much! :heart:
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Silly imagery is awesome, especially yours~
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:blush: you're so sweet!
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
great opening lines (haven't I said this before?)

and this:
and perhaps a little toxic
too, because regret always
tastes the same brand of
lethal


perhaps the imagery was a little overwhelming but when allowed to sink in, it is quite beautiful.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!

I know. I went a little imagery crazy. :stare: I think I need an intervention.
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome :)

haha no, sometimes we have to go a little crazy with the imagery.
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:iconad-kins:
Ad-Kins Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
now, she pops pills like reminders,
stabilizers that last 4-6 hours
depending on her ability to forget


:iconepicclapplz:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ohmygosh xD I love that clapping! Thank you! :heart:
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:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Fuuuhhhhhh! Such beautiful words! Your descriptions are always so vivid and imaginative! I cannot even express to you the feelings that this piece brings up in me, all the images you've pulled from my brain.

An absolutely lovely work, as always, dear! I must say that this is easily one of my absolute favorites of yours. ^^
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November 24, 2012
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