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the ground is a friend, feeble feet meet stability
and never return. it listens, oh, it listens
with tiled ears and absorbs all your secrets.
fault cracks, your fears seep underneath
the pavement, someone knows
that you cry at smoggy nights and
run out of words when you stop to breathe
and you drown in your thoughts, no
one taught you to swim, your

stunted, stilted stature goes stagnant and
this is destiny. it was written in
the storybooks that the princess would find
an answer in the murky depths and her
prince would turn out to be the
desperate attempt at normalcy all along

(raw,
plunging face-first through
vibrant vertebrae,
loosely plucking  stray
strands of sensitivity

and smothering the catalyst,
softly, as it sleeps--

numbness.
deafening life like
being buried in a coffin
facing the earth; digging
and digging and only
eating more dirt

skin and stale sorrows
can't be processed by
these bedded beggars,

going home empty handed to
wonder under a heavy
home of hung humanity.)

you
want it to be over, more than anything,
you want to be relieved of that weighted
day waiting on your neck.

you want
to go to sleep.
Humans can't devour oceans.

this was largely inspired by the fantastic way *0hgravity organizes his poetry
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:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
How are you so talented?! Share your wisdom with mee :worship:

But seriously, this is really fantastic. You've strung only the best words together and the line breaks are perfect and that first stanza and all that alliteration are just gah. I can't express how amazing this is, please excuse my babbling.

I would totally buy a book of your poems. DO IT!! :la:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
asdfhjksshgdahkjfs late response but my gosh this comment is so motivational to me :tighthug:
Reply
:iconcannibalope:
Cannibalope Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
If you put your poems in a book I would buy a thousand copies.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh my goodness, that's quite the honor ;u; thank you so much!
Reply
:iconstargirl2791:
stargirl2791 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
your use of alliteration is awesome!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: thank you!
Reply
:iconstargirl2791:
stargirl2791 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome! :)
Reply
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your expertise knows no bounds :bow:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :hug:
Reply
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're always welcome, Miss Maddie :bow:
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013
:heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:huggle:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013   General Artist
you
want it to be over, more than anything,
you want to be relieved of that weighted
day waiting on your neck.

you want
to go to sleep.


I mean the words you chose, the pitch and the pacing, absolutely perfect. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh gosh :love: you are far too kind, thank you so so much :huggle:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013   General Artist
No, maddie love, your poetry is just far too pretty is all. :tighthug:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Writer
I feel as if I've absorbed all your words into my mind to be mulled over as I sleep tonight, ironically enough ^^;
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: thank you!
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Writer
=D You're welcome!
Reply
:iconquolia:
Quolia Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I have chosen your lovely poetry to be the Deviation of the Week on my page :happybounce: :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my goodness, you've made me so happy right now. This is the highlight of my day, gah, you are so so sweet ;u; thank you so so so so so so much :tighthug:
Reply
:iconquolia:
Quolia Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconcocoglompplz:
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i love the first stanza. (:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! :heart:
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
of course. :heart:

you're lovely
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013
loosely plucking stray
strands of sensitivity

and smothering the catalyst,
softly, as it sleeps--

numbness.


Oh my god, the alliteration. -swoons-

This reads -so- beautifully, love. Nicely done. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: you are such a sweetheart. thank you!
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013
Anytime. :heart:
Reply
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013
Another awe inspiring poem.

"it was written in
the storybooks that the princess would find
an answer in the murky depths and her
prince would turn out to be the
desperate attempt at normalcy all along"

I love this line especially. A fave. :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're so kind :huggle: thank you!
Reply
:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"you want to be relieved of that weighted
day waiting on your neck." these lines are great. wonderful finish!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm honored to hear that. Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You are very welcome :heart:
Reply
:iconthemoormaiden:
TheMoorMaiden Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
As always your imagery is just stunning. :heart: How do you do it?

I love the lines:

like
being buried in a coffin
facing the earth; digging
and digging and only
eating more dirt


they're such haunting lines but they're fantastic.

Beautiful piece. :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh dearie :love: you are much too sweet to me. Thank you! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconthemoormaiden:
TheMoorMaiden Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome. :aww:
Reply
:iconsnowjoe72:
snowjoe72 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ya know, I think I might try to create a poem like yours, one that exposes the cruelty of the world and the madness it put in our minds. I've recently been into horror animes, so I think I'll make a sort of horror-ish poem as well. :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I would love to read it :heart:
Reply
:iconsnowjoe72:
snowjoe72 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Then go right ahead!: [link] I made it today. I hope you find it interesting. :)
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this:
her
prince would turn out to be the
desperate attempt at normalcy all along


and this:

(raw,
plunging face-first through
vibrant vertebrae,
loosely plucking stray
strands of sensitivity


...and this:

going home empty handed to
wonder under a heavy
home of hung humanity.


--lovely lines. especially that middle one.

what are you talking about you can't write anything of late?? I liked it. nice use of alliteration throughout.
I could really feel you in this piece.

:blushes: ah, and of course I'm all giddy over that.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
awww :blush: you are far too sweet, hon. it's quite the honor to hear that. it's odd I can write for so long and still feel like I'm needing to find the right voice.

and I'm quite glad :tighthug: you are one of my biggest inspirations and I simply adore your writing style. I've always admired you, this was me trying to attempt to mimic your fantasticness. :la:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
it does take some time to hear it for yourself.

:hug: ah, that's amazing to know. I'm really kind of speechless right now, haha.
-you're- the fantastic writer so it means a whole hell of a lot that I inspire anything at all out of you.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
pshhh I bet you inspire a lot more people than you realize, you are so talented. :huggle:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
eh, I don't know about that.
but thank you, it means a lot coming from you :hug:
Reply
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