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me.
battered, unstable,
improperly built.
I no longer house sanity
only ghosts that were never
told how to move on.

maybe we used to be the same,
but now your cracked reflection
only adds to my years of bad luck

you never counted the lines in my smile,
or the notes between my freckles,
you only measured me.

I'm something to get by on,
but I'm simply not enough.
my watered-down voice
is growing weaker.

and you feed me sugar pills
to diminish the pain
(these bones still bleed)

there are vultures in your eyes,
they know what's coming next

children call on saviors to vanquish demons
from their closets and I'm begging
the silent priests to
exorcise you

they didn't understand what I meant
when I said you stole my breath away


if I turn on the lights,
would you disappear like the times
when I needed help?

I live in waking fear of silence
(I know it's where you wait)
Usually, when I write, I have a person in mind I am talking to.

In this, I wrote it talking to about six different people. (And I'm pretty sure one of them was me.)
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:iconfreefee:
FREEFEE Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2015
Very talented. I liked it. Odd you are. That is something i've never read, quite unique. It is really cool to read something different. Wierd feeling. Good stuff!
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:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ghosts that were never
told how to move on.


god, someone needs to tell my ghosts how to move on.

there are vultures in your eyes,

deliciously creepy O.O

i love how you take such a common situation with people and turn it into something lovely and poetic. :)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I will scare your ghosts away for you!! :heart:

I try to take turns writing about myself, and making up stories. It's when I write about myself that these newly spun common situations come out. Thank you very much! :tighthug:
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:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
haha, thank you dear :heart:
and you're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconpen-and-mouse:
Pen-and-mouse Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012
This is absolutely stunning... in such moments I wish I had an ability to write constrictive comments on poetry! :noes: Sadly I don't but I want you to know that I find this piece extremly wonderful. :love:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, wow, thank you so much! It means a lot to me :heart:
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:iconpen-and-mouse:
Pen-and-mouse Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2012
You're most welcome, you're an incredibly talented Artist. :heart:
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is a fine work. At times the imagery and the expressions used are really good but at other times it seems like you just combined two things that do seem to fit at first sight but they don't completely make sense. I liked the first stanza; it had a wonderful touch to it and the depth in the words was aparent.

In the second one:

"maybe we used to be the same,
but now your cracked reflection
only adds to my years of bad luck"


There is the strange comparison of being same and bad luck. It seemed to me as if saying, "you used to be so strong but now I have very few books in my library" meaning that I was unable to see the conection that you used. The cracked reflection does not help either.

In saying:

"you never counted the lines in my smile,
or the notes between my freckles,
you only measured me."


Do you mean to say that the person did not measure different aspects (I do not really "feel" the lines in smiles and notes in freckles) and measured you in total. If you meant to say that you never understood me and only measured me then counting the lines also adds up to measurement and that would not make much sense.

I did love the exorcise part and the impression that you were able to give. So all in all, it is a good work but it somehow lacks that... authenticity. Hope this helps.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I was trying to make a play off mirrors in the first stanza you mentioned. Like, when I looked at the person it was a comfort we were similar. But now their cracked reflection, messed-up personality, only added to my years of bad luck- because when you break a mirror, you get seven years of bad luck.

And in the second I was trying to show how sometimes a person overlooks the little things that make a person special and only judges the person as a whole. Instead of looking at those tiny details, they only value the person's entirety. It was supposed to tie into the next stanza, too, that talked about coming up short.

Thank you for your opinion.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well... even with the description there seems to be unecessary obscurity in the choice of words but that is up to you. You are welcome.
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:iconallbeautifulthings:
allbeautifulthings Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Love this. So
love this. ♥
"and I'm begging
the silent priests to
exorcise you"


so stunning.
The imagery is wonderful and just
the emotion is so well portrayed.
Well done.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
;-;
you are way too nice to me.

oh my goodness, thank you so so much, that means the world from you :heart:
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:iconallbeautifulthings:
allbeautifulthings Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:] It's just the truth!
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:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012
This is so captivating and so well done.
"they didn't understand what I meant
when I said you stole my breath away" such a dark twist on those words.
"and you feed me sugar pills
to diminish the pain" :faint:
So well expressed. :tighthug: :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so happy you think so! Sometimes when I get hurt, it feels like my breath is taken away. I wanted to play off of that and what we naturally assume when we read it.

Thank you so much :tighthug:
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:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
My pleasure! Thank YOU for sharing! :heart:
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:iconwanderlings:
Wanderlings Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is brilliant! I keep tripping over your title and the irst word of the poem. "Leave" and then "me." :squee: it's like a full sentence, but also a singular title and then the poem starting with just "me." like making a statement! wow~! :happybounce: and second to last stanza... :love: absolutley perfect phrasing, perfect words! and then the last two lines... :D another beautiful and thoughtful ending! the poem also leads to quite a few thoughtful thoughts, like how each day after day wear us down. :hug: well written! :tighthug:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's how I started this. Thinking of the broken, but continual thought between title and poem. I'm so glad you liked it!

Thank you for the kind and thoughtful comment :hug:
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:iconwordweight:
WordWeight Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student Writer
This is really beautiful :D
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:blush: thank you so much!! You are beautiful! :la:
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student Writer
:tighthug: What a story...
"they didn't understand what I meant
when I said you stole my breath away" and
"and you feed me sugar pills
to diminish the pain
(these bones still bleed)" are my two most favourite lines, a change in the cliche 'you stole my breath away' usually meaning in love, but here, it's more literal, like...you cannot speak...and then the sweetness of sugar to dim the pain, but it doesn't help truly at all...:tighthug:


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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You know what a placebo is? They are pills given in place of actual medicine to make the patient think they are getting better. I was trying to use that idea and the idea it was sweet and unhelpful.
I'm so glad you saw what I was saying and even enjoyed it :tighthug: thank you
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student Writer
Indeed I do, I can't believe I forgot about them...O_O

You're welcome :tighthug:
Reply
:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student Writer
you know the sort of frigid silence you feel as you come down from a depressed high? I get that feeling from this piece :hug: it'll be alright, dearie.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's definitely what I felt writing this. I sat on this piece for longer than I usually do. None of the words seemed right.
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:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student Writer
:shrug: sometimes it is the words that cling to our throat that are the ones we really need to say.
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:iconsirweston:
sirweston Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Loneliness. Even with six people in your head.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Not lonely. I want the people in my head to go away xD
(I think I phrased that wrong. I mean that I'm talking to people in my life)
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:iconsirweston:
sirweston Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah. I often have trouble keeping my 29 other personalities in check.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You can let me give them a talking to, if that helps.
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:iconsirweston:
sirweston Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
And yes. THERE ARE THREE BAKURAS.
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:iconsirweston:
sirweston Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sure. Here are their names: Marik, Matteo, Emily, Fernando, Stephanie, Vermeer, Daine, Alanna, Hermione, Bakura, Miho, Bakura, Geoffrey, Zaphod, Arthur, Trillian, Bilbo, Smeagol, William, Chester, Bakura, Rebecca, Mnementh, Justine, Lessa, Robespierre, Ninnyhammer, Sandry, and Briar. Thanks!
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:iconx12-1992:
X12-1992 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
amazing
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :hug:
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