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:iconintricately-ordinary: More from intricately-ordinary


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Submitted on
November 1, 2012
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You drop your jaw,
and you pull words out from
hiding, deep in your throat.
You wretch up a mass of
unfiltered, unedited, reality
because you believe that's what it is
to be understood.

You leave a trail of mutterings
wherever you go
       no one will ever want me
       it's not enough
       and i'm sorry,  i'm
       so so sorry
Do you remember the difference between
a shadow and a ghost? (the world ends
the day the sun won't shine)

Instead of sleeping (maybe
tomorrow won't come if you
don't say goodnight) you wait;
you will not be remembered, and
that is the scariest part-
you were never loud enough.
       i'm so sorry

The night presses too hard,
pulling you down, even though
you plead for one more day to prove
you aren't just passing through.

   In the margins, you breathe:
   "someone will save us. someone
    will find me and save me and
    take me from myself"

You plead, with belief tainting your
breath (underdeveloped from malnutrition)
You plead for an answer.

The world rests on your back
in measurements of guilt
       i'm sorry, i'm
       so so sorry
  (it's not enough)
The worst part is waking up.
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:iconakkajess:
akkajess Oct 12, 2013  Student Writer
:wave: Hello!

You've been featured here:

Have a wonderful day! :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
you're so lovely, this feature is wonderful! thank you!
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:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I have to say, above all else, your supremely effective use of the word "wretch" in its context and flow... :heart: An odd thing to love, but I did ;D There is something to be said for using powerful words to create the most vivid imagery. Being in the beginning, it really lends itself to the rest of the poem, such a strong lead-in and I cannot help but feel it myself. I cannot tell you just how much the 'whole' resonates with me and maybe i am just being incredibly narcissistic or maybe I am just reveling in the knowledge that someone else knows how it feels. The hope, the guilt, the misery.. it all reeks of reality in the best possible way :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
I wanted to start off the poem that way, because it's something almost harsh but really raw in its usage. I'm so happy to hear it creates a good beginning! :la: I don't think the way you feel is narcissistic at all; the best thing that came after I uploaded this piece was all the comments from people saying they'd felt the same. I never realized how many people have been in this same mindset. Thank you for such a kind comment :heart:
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:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well, you definitely achieved your goal miss :heart: I do try to be even-handed in my musings - as one really does have to be aware of how easy it is to get lost in one's self, their misery or pain! But, thank you :heart: It does do wonders to share the deeper parts of yourself and see just how not-alone you are ^.^
You are once again welcome, Miss Intricate :worship:
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
In the margins, you breathe:
"someone will save us. someone
will find me and save me and
take me from myself"

You plead, with belief tainting your
breath (underdeveloped from malnutrition)
You plead for an answer.

The world rests on your back
in measurements of guilt
i'm sorry, i'm
so so sorry
(it's not enough)


This particular stanza, is a dark emotive grappling of melancholia and depression - one of the most expressive portions I've ever read in any poem, and in this one in particular.

This poem, was abrupt, direct, and it definitely delivered; nothing out of the ordinary, nothing particularly elitist; but something that stands-out and is still a part of the crowd.

Something I can relate with: I ramble to myself at night, what with the day's events pushing me down. I wind up falling asleep by thinking shallow thoughts, just to keep those voices in my head from becoming to unbearable. Somehow, this poem reminded me of that segment of my every day existence: the tone is exactly the same. And its very controlled...

Have to give you credit for that. Well done.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for your insight. I appreciate your thoughts on my poem and that you found it relatable, too. I think nighttime is often when your own thoughts are the loudest.

Thanks so much.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome
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:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
There is something about that first line that interests me. And of course, my fav part:

maybe
tomorrow won't come if you
don't say goodnight


:heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
When I'm writing, I usually start a stanza into a poem, or in the middle. This was one of the few that I wrote write from the first line. Thank you so much :heart:
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