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You drop your jaw,
and you pull words out from
hiding, deep in your throat.
You wretch up a mass of
unfiltered, unedited, reality
because you believe that's what it is
to be understood.

You leave a trail of mutterings
wherever you go
       no one will ever want me
       it's not enough
       and i'm sorry,  i'm
       so so sorry
Do you remember the difference between
a shadow and a ghost? (the world ends
the day the sun won't shine)

Instead of sleeping (maybe
tomorrow won't come if you
don't say goodnight) you wait;
you will not be remembered, and
that is the scariest part-
you were never loud enough.
       i'm so sorry

The night presses too hard,
pulling you down, even though
you plead for one more day to prove
you aren't just passing through.

   In the margins, you breathe:
   "someone will save us. someone
    will find me and save me and
    take me from myself"

You plead, with belief tainting your
breath (underdeveloped from malnutrition)
You plead for an answer.

The world rests on your back
in measurements of guilt
       i'm sorry, i'm
       so so sorry
  (it's not enough)
The worst part is waking up.
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:iconakkajess:
akkajess Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013  Student Writer
:wave: Hello!

You've been featured here:

Have a wonderful day! :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're so lovely, this feature is wonderful! thank you!
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:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I have to say, above all else, your supremely effective use of the word "wretch" in its context and flow... :heart: An odd thing to love, but I did ;D There is something to be said for using powerful words to create the most vivid imagery. Being in the beginning, it really lends itself to the rest of the poem, such a strong lead-in and I cannot help but feel it myself. I cannot tell you just how much the 'whole' resonates with me and maybe i am just being incredibly narcissistic or maybe I am just reveling in the knowledge that someone else knows how it feels. The hope, the guilt, the misery.. it all reeks of reality in the best possible way :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I wanted to start off the poem that way, because it's something almost harsh but really raw in its usage. I'm so happy to hear it creates a good beginning! :la: I don't think the way you feel is narcissistic at all; the best thing that came after I uploaded this piece was all the comments from people saying they'd felt the same. I never realized how many people have been in this same mindset. Thank you for such a kind comment :heart:
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:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well, you definitely achieved your goal miss :heart: I do try to be even-handed in my musings - as one really does have to be aware of how easy it is to get lost in one's self, their misery or pain! But, thank you :heart: It does do wonders to share the deeper parts of yourself and see just how not-alone you are ^.^
You are once again welcome, Miss Intricate :worship:
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
In the margins, you breathe:
"someone will save us. someone
will find me and save me and
take me from myself"

You plead, with belief tainting your
breath (underdeveloped from malnutrition)
You plead for an answer.

The world rests on your back
in measurements of guilt
i'm sorry, i'm
so so sorry
(it's not enough)


This particular stanza, is a dark emotive grappling of melancholia and depression - one of the most expressive portions I've ever read in any poem, and in this one in particular.

This poem, was abrupt, direct, and it definitely delivered; nothing out of the ordinary, nothing particularly elitist; but something that stands-out and is still a part of the crowd.

Something I can relate with: I ramble to myself at night, what with the day's events pushing me down. I wind up falling asleep by thinking shallow thoughts, just to keep those voices in my head from becoming to unbearable. Somehow, this poem reminded me of that segment of my every day existence: the tone is exactly the same. And its very controlled...

Have to give you credit for that. Well done.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for your insight. I appreciate your thoughts on my poem and that you found it relatable, too. I think nighttime is often when your own thoughts are the loudest.

Thanks so much.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome
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:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
There is something about that first line that interests me. And of course, my fav part:

maybe
tomorrow won't come if you
don't say goodnight


:heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
When I'm writing, I usually start a stanza into a poem, or in the middle. This was one of the few that I wrote write from the first line. Thank you so much :heart:
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:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are so welcome :hug:

I usually start with a catchy first line, myself :giggle:
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:iconbluezbreakr:
Bluezbreakr Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
"you will not be remembered, and
that is the scariest part-
you were never loud enough.
i'm so sorry"

Damn.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :heart:
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:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
This is lovely. I find this very interesting.. the idea that the night may last forever, lonesome. Also the hope for a hero, but the lack of belief that one will come speaks volumes.

fave lines:
"you will not be remembered, and
that is the scariest part-
you were never loud enough.
i'm so sorry"

to not be remembered is a fear of all men. again, wonderfully done.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
These are all the thoughts that run through my head late at night. (I suppose it's a little sad, then, imagining the night may never end.)

That used to be my biggest fear, never meaning anything and never being remembered. Everyone likes to believe they've had some hand in shaping the world, and it's a scary thought that you might not mean as much to others as you do to yourself.
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:iconarabesque-o:
arabesque-o Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Student Photographer

wow.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
goodness, thank you :heart:
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Instead of sleeping (maybe
tomorrow won't come if you
don't say goodnight) you wait;


--this is why I rarely sleep as much as I should. don't want tomorrow to come.

I like the openness of this.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I actually pulled that from a play I saw! They never say goodnight, because it means "no more." And, a direct quote, "When you go to sleep-today ends. And when today ends-tomorrow begins. Today we're safe. Tomorrow may be filled with disaster." They never sleep.
I found it an interesting philosophy.
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
yes, definitely an interesting philosophy.
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:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012
*sits in the back of the room, sharing all your poetry via Tumblr from now on*

:heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ohmygosh, you are far too kind ;-; thank you dear :heart:
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:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
:iconbigheartplz:
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart: What an honor, I'm very excited to look through the rest of the work.
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're so talented lovie. <3
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
adhgsjhgjdf you are so sweet :tighthug:
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:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
no, you
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:icontisserande-d-encre:
tisserande-d-encre Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Student Writer
This is very powerful, with some wicked imagery and the awareness of being alone, after all...
Great piece.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart: I've been trying to work on not overdoing my imagery.
Reply
:icontisserande-d-encre:
tisserande-d-encre Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Student Writer
I don't think it is in here... It has just the right amount of detail for the imagery to work.
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Student Writer
I didn't think anybody else did this. Thank you.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm honored (but sorry) you've shared the mindset, thank you very much.
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:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Student Writer
You're really welcome. No problem.
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:iconlieren:
Lieren Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I absolutely love this. It's almost everything I've been feeling for the past few days put into words. I couldn't have expressed them any better.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry you've felt the same, but I'm glad someone else knows how I feel. It's a really difficult way to think, thank you for being so kind and understanding :heart:
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:iconlieren:
Lieren Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
We all have our weak moments. It's a comforting thought, though, knowing you're not alone. And I guess there's nothing much I can say about it.
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Student Writer
The realization that in the end, you are all you can depend on, it can be scary, can't it? :tighthug:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you're the only thing there, when the day ends.
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Student Writer
Life is a lonely existence, isn't it?
Reply
:iconalkaline-earth-11:
alkaline-earth-11 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Student Writer
I really love this.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much :heart:
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