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she fell in love with the sound of
dying storms, and lost herself in
the blind spots accompanying her
every furtive glance

her downturned spine labeled her:
pitiful,
and her relentless divulging to
overcast skies defined her as
needy; but still she offered the
seeds of her pomegranate heart
to anyone willing to settle down
inside the breeze

and she was abandoned, long ago,
(once upon a time, no one cried)
by wolves with insipid fangs
and human eyes (her glittery irises
never quite belonged)
they discarded her when she asked if
self-delusions were a state of mind

and
she is poorly veiled, so see-through under
our cracked gaze; you can watch her
heart beat and her thoughts spin
(and you can watch her when she
invites death in)

she's a glass asylum, they breathe
in dampened sighs-
and when she shatters to a thousand
pieces, she only smiles
 because love would do the same
Abnormal and infatuated, she wears her story like a second skin.

Feel free to tell me if you don't think the last line works ♥
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:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
Wow. This is better the tenth time i've read it than it was the first. You reach another tragic, beautiful climax, and leave me speechless.

The first two stanzas are my favorite.. the reality of the character is so genuine and in your face.. the idea that settling is all you have left.. wonderfully written,

The last line is the icing on the cake. Absolutely brilliant.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my gosh :love: you are so so very sweet, I'm so honored to hear this. Thank you!
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you're lovely! :heart: thank you!
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Featured here: [link] :hug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconepiclaplz: WHAT AN AMAZING FEATURE
I AM SO EXCITED TO LOOK THROUGH IT!
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:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
As always, I love it!
I must admit, the last line threw me off a little. I was reading along, the words taking me away like your work always does, and then, 'because love would do the same'... I'm not sure how I feel about it, and it's just that line, but I don't know what should go there in its place, either.

I love how it's written, like she's saying 'because love would do the same' as she smiles, and maybe I'm just being dim, but I don't see how that line ties into the rest of the poem. :noes:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I wondered if it might do that. Within the context, it's directly referring to the fact she's okay she's shattering, because any form of love would have the same results. But, throughout the poem I tried to show that she didn't quite fit in with everyone else and she was weak, so it was me trying to make a point in saying that love would break her the same way.
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:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012
Ah, well, that makes sense. I'd have to reread the poem with what you just said in mind, but that does put it into a different perspective. :la:
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:iconkarmacursed:
karmacursed Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is great, the last stanza is killer. One thing I'd do is with the 'and' words at the begining of the second and third stanzas is put each on their own line and add and 'elipsis' (ex. and...) type thing for a dramatic pause effect. But like I said this is great stuff.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the feedback! I see what you mean, to have the reader pause, I may change it. Again, thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconkarmacursed:
karmacursed Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries, I'm glad you were receptive to it. When I give suggestions I mostly get angsty teenager type responses, like I trying to be an a-hole or something. But like I said it is great.
Reply
:icondamagedhomewrecker:
DamagedHomewrecker Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is absolutely strikingly beautiful and i am just oh so in love with the imagery and the feelings in this
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am so delighted to hear that, thank you so much :love:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student Writer
That last line is WONDERFUL. It adds this whole new dimension to the poem, if you read it again, and instead of 'she' you read 'love' it's just.... amazing. That is what love is.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so glad to hear it works! Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student Writer
:love: My pleasure!
Reply
:iconad-kins:
Ad-Kins Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
Is pomegranate heart a Persephone reference? I could see that with the rest of the images.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, actually! I was thinking about the myth as I wrote, but then I also liked the imagery of it.
Reply
:iconad-kins:
Ad-Kins Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
We're like twins!
Reply
:iconthepoetboy:
thepoetboy Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
god, this is so beautiful love♥

i read the first two lines and i immediately favourited it, i couldnt wait to finish the poem, i was already in love.

she fell in love with the sound of
dying storms,


this is just an absolutely beautiful line. and also, this whole stanza:

her downturned spine labeled her:
pitiful,
and her relentless divulging to
overcast skies defined her as
needy; but still she offered the
seeds of her pomegranate heart
to anyone willing to settle down
inside the breeze


the last stanza really brings it all in and god the last line too, wow. i love everything you write dear ♥

especially the pomegranate heart bit. its beautiful.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you are just far too sweet to be real :love: my goodness, thank you so much!
Reply
:iconthepoetboy:
thepoetboy Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
no, youre the sweet one!!! ♥♥
its my pleasure. your poetry is really my favourite :) <3
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
but still she offered the
seeds of her pomegranate heart
to anyone willing to settle down
inside the breeze


--beautifully endearing. simple.

I think the last line sealed the deal for me, actually.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know a lot of Greek mythology, but I kept thinking of Hades and the pomegranate :love: thank you so much.

I really thought so, too, I just didn't know if it came across the same to the reader (so I'm glad it did!)
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ah, neither do I which is why I didn't catch the reference, haha.
but that is an interesting bit of background there. :) welcome.

:D
Reply
:iconsilver-ships-fly:
silver-ships-fly Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
beautiful words. wonderful imagery :heart:
[i don't know what else to say]
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:aww: thank you so much!
Reply
:iconbluezbreakr:
Bluezbreakr Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012
Pardon me, but goddamn you thread some exceedingly beautiful free verse.
Those first 2 stanzas especially.

I'm going to need you to teach me how to do this stuff one day.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're so kind! This one was surprisingly harder to do than my usual, as I'm realizing, switching between form and free verse isn't as easy as I'd hoped.

Thank you so much!
Reply
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