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:iconintricately-ordinary: More from intricately-ordinary


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ENGLISH LANGUAGE by lombregrise

All The Poets Come To Life by flummo

Poetry by 91816119


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Submitted on
March 24, 2013
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1,147
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66
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I’ve been living in the same breathy dream
for too many days now; I’m bed-ridden and
stale and I reek of those moments that come
full throttle like a car crash on a winter night

    this is evolution where weak hearts
    are afraid of the shadows and where
    everything changes,
    an apologetic wind births no remorse;
    he will move on—anchored ship
    set sail, I am the sunken wreckage
    that never learned how to swim.
    he will move on, Darwin says
    I never had a chance


I wish I were the textbook sadness,
symptom and solution and endurance
but I’ve spent too long sleeping on the
thoughts of shooting stars and gravity
and reasons, scientific calculations with
thrice-checked proofs for the skeptics
that don’t believe in the sleight of hand magic
reality wants to imply

no,
I am not the insomniac writer with
better things to do than sleep; I am
the heavy bones afraid of what
lies in the darkness beneath
the skeletons of childhood monsters
and promised things.
I'm not so sure how I feel about the ending but I haven't uploaded in a long time, so
here's me.

Sleep is less important, now.

edit: DLD [link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconechoscall:
echoscall Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Student Artist
Really like. I will figure out exactly why later :-)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
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:iconriparii:
riparii Featured By Owner May 18, 2013
Featured: [link]
:heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
such a beautiful feature, I cannot wait to look through the other works! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconshoeborn:
Shoeborn Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Student General Artist
They always say problems have an answer....that there's a solution for every problem. But what happens when you have a dozen symptoms resulting in one enduring problem? Pull one string, you pull them all. Solve one piece, there's still a tangled ball before you. Ramble ramble, my point is, this is both whimsically and darkly written, if that makes any sense. Wonderful work.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I know exactly what you mean and I love the way you chose to look at this. Thank you so much for your words :heart:
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:iconshoeborn:
Shoeborn Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Student General Artist
You are most certainly welcome.
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:iconmeggie272:
Meggie272 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the flow of this poem, and the outlying stanza talking about evolution - that's an interesting metaphor to use.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so glad to hear that, thank you :heart:
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:iconpaperbackrevelations:
PaperbackRevelations Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Absolutely in love with this. :+fav:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconpaperbackrevelations:
PaperbackRevelations Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Very welcome :)
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013   General Artist
Eeeep! You're such a darling and this piece proves it on soo many levels and gawd, you're brilliant! :love:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Gosh sweetheart, you are far too kind! Thank you! :tighthug:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner May 1, 2013   General Artist
Nah, you're just simply extraordinary! :cuddle: :heart:
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:iconpauper-circumstance:
Pauper-Circumstance Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013
I have used your title here: [link] Thank you so much! :D
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is lovely! <3
Reply
:iconpauper-circumstance:
Pauper-Circumstance Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013
Thank you very much! :D
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013   Writer
:iconcongratssignplz: on your DLD feature. I love the imagery you invoke and, to be frank, can relate to it rather well. Thank you. :+fav:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013   Writer
:) :iconwelcomeplz:
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:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013   Writer
[link] featured! :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :huggle:
Reply
:iconclockchat:
Clockchat Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013
"I reek of those moments ..."
"I am the sunken wreckage that never learned how to swim." [while the wind is making the others move forward]
"... he will move on, Darwin says ... I never had a chance"
"I’ve spent too long sleeping on the thoughts ..."
And then there's that ending, which would have provoked goosebumps if what preceded hadn't taken care of that already. You've got a real talent for conjuring vivid imagery, and using exotic, distant visuals to express something that should be all too familiar with anyone writing. The dreaded What Could Be, But Thanks To Me, It's Becoming What Never Was. Intricately ordinary, indeed. My applause and praise goes to you; your poem goes to me, via my Favorites section!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is such a lovely comment :love: I can't tell you how much your words mean to me! I am absolutely touched you enjoyed my poem, thank you!
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:iconlombregrise:
lombregrise Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013  Professional Writer
congrats!
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :la:
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:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013
wonderful piece, well deserving of a DLD :love:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank youuu! :heart:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh my goodness! What a wonderful surprise to come back to :love:
Reply
:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I reek of those moments
^gold
I agree with you in that I'm not sure about the ending - it doesn't tie in very well to your previous themes of evolution and shipwrecks (interesting juxtaposition, by the way) - but there is a pungent bitterness to this poem that I love. You set a tone with that first stanza that really clings, like stale clothing and the sheets when you've been bedridden.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! That's what I was trying to go for, a real sense of stagnancy. I appreciate your feedback :heart:
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:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No worries! <3
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:iconunspecifiedunknown:
UnspecifiedUnknown Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013   Writer
i think i just wet my pants from how good this is. :|
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh my goshhh how are you so fantastic
Reply
:iconunspecifiedunknown:
UnspecifiedUnknown Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013   Writer
congrats on the DLD!
also, i think you should make this longer. i feel like you have so much more to say that can be said you should totally do it. :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Student Writer
It really does have a restless sort of feel to it, I like it. The ending is fascinating =)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013  Student Writer
Welcome!
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:iconv-espertine:
v-espertine Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013
you're such an elegant writer
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
wow :blush: thank you
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Student General Artist
So many good lines out of this! :)

this is evolution where weak hearts
are afraid of the shadows and where
everything changes ... Darwin says
I never had a chance


I think I got a shiver down my back with that bit - gosh, I love your poetry and what you do with words. :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :heart: I'm so glad to hear you enjoyed it.
Reply
:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
sahufvghuv. I can't. I don't even. THIS. This speaks to me. So freaking much.

"no,
I am not the insomniac writer with
better things to do than sleep; I am
the heavy bones afraid of what
lies in the darkness beneath
the skeletons of childhood monsters
and promised things."

Yes. Just yes. This is like an arrow to my heart. A good arrow.

Can I marry your poetical ways?
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ahh I'm so touched to hear it does, it's an absolute honor to know people connect to the way I feel in such a raw format.

And of course you can :heart: they're single and ready to mingle.
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I've been anxiously waiting for a new poem from you and this was worth the wait. Lovely as always but as gravity said it isn't "pretty" which makes it beautiful in a new way.

(As a side note... I'm sorry I haven't been around much, work is killing me. I miss you and you are in my thoughts often.)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: I really like that description and I'm very honored.

(Truth be told, you haven't been missing out on a lot. I've not been such a good friend lately which is why I have been out of touch, too. I think of you, though, all the time :heart: I hope things are going better.)
Reply
:iconschneekrahe:
schneekrahe Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
those last two stanzas (especially the "textbook sadness" stanza) are just ajfjkdsalfjd wow oh man. your worrrdddss good lord. you make the little word-appreciation part of my brain so happy <3 i love it i love youuu

also, while i'm here: i feel bad because i wish i was good enough at words to comment on everything you write (and believe me i always want to) rather than just lurking and fav'ing but. but. i am not smart or coherent enough for anything other than things like the above with poetry and i feel like that would get very tiresome very quickly, so ... i hope fav'ing all the things is okay. ;u;
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