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it's the city that makes you,
she says when her industrialized eyes
start to flicker. her heart rushes
like a subway falling late and
the patterns in her skin remind you of
striated architecture (reminds you of how
everything's human in its own way)

we're precarious concrete skeletons
crafted by men praying we won't fall,
and we yearn- you know- we ache
for a sense of vitality and being to
enter us and make us more than a
pale ghost of an engineer's dreams and

maybe we have our own shadowy corners,
too.

commotion exists betwixt her ears and
she's a destination, a place to rest and
catch your breath but not to settle
down because the moment you blink
smog will steal the stars and she will
already have travelled on.

yet when she slept that night, she cried
graffiti tears that stained her cheeks
in a way some might consider artistic;
she says there's never enough time
to complete the things we promised
and one way roads only ever lead
farther from the people we used to be.

[when you wonder how long
it takes a person to give up,
she has no answer]

she is wrapped over and through with
caution tape and scandals, she's covered
in abrasive pavement and she tries to tell you
she is too expansive to nestle down in but
you don't believe her, and she's right.

the city never leaves.
She is heavily trafficked but not nearly as beautiful as shed once hoped.
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:iconfeatherback:
featherback Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
commotion exists betwixt her ears and
she's a destination, a place to rest and
catch your breath but not to settle
down


I loved those lines so much. <3 Also it's a bit difficult getting back into reviewing so forgive me if I'm lacking in words. xD
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
asdfghjklkjhgfds just having you back around is far more than enough, thank you so much for being so sweet :huggle:
Reply
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Fascinatingly different - the personification paired with your always-vivid imagery leave a thoroughly alive building in its wake :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:bow: you're welcome Miss Intricately!
Reply
:iconpen-and-mouse:
Pen-and-mouse Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012
This is just perfect! :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :huggle:
Reply
:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
From start to finish, I'm torn between imagining a building and imagining a person, as far as "she" is concerned. It's absolutely beautiful, how you've blurred the line between the artificial and the human; how you've personified the building--really, it takes my breath away.

Your last line is, as always, a perfect finish to your work.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That is exactly what I'd hoped might happen! :la: An unclear separation between reality and perception. Thank you :huggle:
Reply
:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
You are as welcome as always, dear. :heart:
Reply
:iconpuppypal1000:
PuppyPal1000 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Whoa, my comment just spazzed! I was going to say that this is simply amazing! I love the personification, I don't think I could have come up with an idea like that!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
hehe, it's alright! :heart: Thank you so much, I'm so glad to know you enjoyed it, it was one of those in the moment things where I began to see people as representations of the things they tried to create~
Reply
:iconpuppypal1000:
PuppyPal1000 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is sim
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:iconblacksand459:
Blacksand459 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"and we yearn- you know- we ache
for a sense of vitality and being to
enter us and make us more than a
pale ghost of an engineer's dreams and..."


That desire for relevance, to be made alive and dynamic

Your imagery is so eloquent...so poignant...ethereal
When I read those lines, my imagination takes off...

You know a poem is great when it ignites a the fire of another's Muse ;)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so very honored! :heart: I try in nearly all my poems to include at least some piece of me, and I'm truly delighted the part that inspires you is the one I wrote closest to my heart.

Thank you so much for such a lovely comment! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconblacksand459:
Blacksand459 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It was my pleasure! B-) Funny how oftentimes, when we share those glimpses of our inner selves...that others are drawn to it. I also try to do the same for many of my poems. Thank you for sharing from your heart.

You are very welcome! :huggle:
Reply
:iconwanderlings:
Wanderlings Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
beautiful imagery! I love how you choose words; everything fits so perfectly :D
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so glad! Thank you!
Reply
:iconthepoetboy:
thepoetboy Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i love the whole poem but god, from commotion exists betwixt her ears and on was just absolutely beautiful
i absolutely adore this part:

she's covered
in abrasive pavement and she tries to tell you
she is too expansive to nestle down in but
you don't believe her, and she's right.

abrasive pavement is just such a gorgeous gorgeous line. this is beautiful i love this to death♥
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
oh my goodness you are just wonderful :heart: I'm so honored to hear you like it. thank you so much sweetheart! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconthepoetboy:
thepoetboy Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you are the wonderful one♥ its my pleasure, doll!
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
wow. what a beautiful personification.
I really enjoyed reading this. one of your best, I'd say.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
oh my gosh, thank you so much :blush:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :)
Reply
:iconemilyericson:
emilyericson Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are so absolutely amazing it is actually a little bit hard for me to fathom.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
too much kindness :faint: thank you so so much :tighthug:
Reply
:iconsnowjoe72:
snowjoe72 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
Personification of a once-great city that has started to fall into ruin. That is a very interesting idea. And you captured the humanity of such a city beautifully. I am nowhere near this level of expression in my writing.... By that I mean that you set a great example of the way I want to be able to write one day. Thank you for the help that you didn't even know you gave. :)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
oh my gosh ;u; you are such a sweetheart. A while back I'd been talking to someone about their disdain for big cities and I thought about how that might equate to a person and the way they touched the world. You are a lovely writer, and I can't wait to see more of what you come up with! Thank you for such beautiful compliments.
Reply
:iconsnowjoe72:
snowjoe72 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
You're welcome. And thank you for the compliment as well. Things are looking up for me, so hopefully I'll get some positive inspiration out of it. :)
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is absolutely and ridiculously beautiful.
<3
"and we yearn- you know- we ache
for a sense of vitality and being to
enter us and make us more than a
pale ghost of an engineer's dreams and

maybe we have our own shadowy corners,
too."

your imagery is absolute perfection. you took a concept that could really easily become kind of bleh- and you took it and you- you just- you made perfect.

congratulations, darling,
you made perfect.
<3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you are far too kind. gosh, I don't even know how to respond to this comment except to squee with happiness :la: you are so wonderful, thank you so much.

excuse me while I keep this in my inbox forever

and thank you again :tighthug:
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
oh hun, i'm just honest!! :heart: :heart: :heart:

you're more than welcome! :huggle: thank you for writing this!
Reply
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
Glad I could make you happy, its the truth. and I have to be kind in order to counteract all the asshole things I do. :)
Reply
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
I get so excited every time I look at my message box and see your name. This is wonderful again, you make me smile every time I read something you've written.
Fave lines:
"we're precarious concrete skeletons
crafted by men praying we won't fall,
and we yearn- you know- we ache
for a sense of vitality and being to
enter us and make us more than a
pale ghost of an engineer's dreams and

maybe we have our own shadowy corners,
too."
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're just too kind for your own good, you know that? Your comments are the nicest things ever, they make me so happy. Thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconpeircingarrow:
PeircingArrow Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
wow... I wish i could write like this...
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you are so sweet :love: thank you so much!
Reply
:icongolden-leaves:
Golden-Leaves Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love how your AN often adds to the mystery of the poem, as if it is merely a continuing line. It leaves our curiosity wanting, of course, but is delightfully satisfying. Exquisite imagery, as always. :0)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
c: I'm so happy to hear that! I always try to think of descriptions that are special. Thank you so much, dear :heart:
Reply
:icongolden-leaves:
Golden-Leaves Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You are welcome. :)
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
From the city's point of view... marvelous. Just... the imagery... the personification... beautiful.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so glad to hear it works, thank you dear! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:icondizzyabberation:
DizzyAbberation Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That flows beautifully.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
What an honor, thank you so much :heart:
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