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one day you'll fly a little too close to the sun
and you'll remember the boy who told you
gas station trinkets were worth more than
the heart you wore on your sleeve.

disillusionment will take you home, and
it will not leave your bed in the morning.
(you will remember he called you loose, too.)

you are the one who believes in smoke
smiles and candid cadavers. no ones'
nose grows, so everyone must be
undeniably true (except

you lie to yourself, too)

a few lifetimes ago you fell in love
with your own reflection, but as you
stripped away layers of common mis-
conceptions, you realized you are not

virtuous and radiant and hung out
only to shine, your paleness is
not purity- only blanched bones.

gravity never liked you and
the secrets you tucked away
beneath your sternum, you're
falling out

you are a moth flitting selfishly,
you only wear your tattered wings.
For those with speckled hearts.
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:iconthypoetsorcerer:
ThyPoetSorcerer Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is incredibly beautiful :heart: and I find these lines absolutely magnificent:

"gravity never liked you and
the secrets you tucked away
beneath your sternum, you're
falling out

you are a moth flitting selfishly,
you only wear your tattered wings. "

I was also impressed by the continuity and the grittiness of the imagery, it's executed splendidly.

(Coincidentally "gravity" and "moth(s)" are words that I use occasionally, a couple of my poems for sure include both words. They are awesome!)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :heart: I love those words and all the meaning they hold, especially the way you've used them in your work.
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
Wow! So delicate, yet almost harsh, and sad, all wrapped into one. So very descriptive and powerful! :star:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so happy all of that came out! Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
Anytime! :heart:
Reply
:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
I can picture you sitting at an open mic night or a poetry slam (yes, poetry slam, that's what I'm picturing right now), reciting this aloud in a kind of haunting voice...

Or maybe that's just the voice in my head that always speaks when I read your work. :dummy:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
awww you're so sweet! my goodness, a poetry slam would be amazing.
Reply
:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
I just wanna go to a poetry slam, I've never been to one. :dummy:
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"disillusionment will take you home, and
it will not leave your bed in the morning."

absolutely beautiful, well written, and painful in such a lovely way. <3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconpen-and-mouse:
Pen-and-mouse Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
I'm truly impressed! :heart: What an amazing piece of writing... it captures from the very first to the last word.. wonderful work. :rose:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you are such a sweetheart! :aww: Thank you!
Reply
:iconpen-and-mouse:
Pen-and-mouse Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
My pleasure! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconwannabeliterate:
wannabeliterate Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The more often I read it, the more brilliant it becomes.
Somehow you manage to put so much elegance into a caotic form. Well, not really caotic, just free free form... of which I've never got the hang of :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I used to be so terrible at free form! I'm so happy to hear that it works, and even that you read it more than once! :la: thank you so much :heart:
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Student Writer
This entire poem, from beginning to end, simply captured me. It's wonderful :love:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome! :glomp:
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:iconthepoetboy:
thepoetboy Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is a really really lovely poem jeez sweetie! i love your use of words, youre incredible with words!

disillusionment will take you home, and
it will not leave your bed in the morning.
(you will remember he called you loose, too.)


i really love this stanza!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
jasdhfslakfdsljgs I can't even think of a way to respond to your kindness in English. Thank you so much! :iconemotionkingdom:
Reply
:iconthepoetboy:
thepoetboy Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
gosh youre too much of a doll, geez <33
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:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Student General Artist
I like the way you had a distant "too/true/you" rhyme, but then you stopped it for the last couple stanzas. It would have been nice if the ending line had been rhyming with that too.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
as I was writing it, my rhyming was unintentional, haha. I looked back and found a few strategically placed (reflection/ misconception, also) I did try, however, to have an even meter and half-rhyme in the last two lines with wings and selfishly.
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a lovely piece. It's very down-to-earth.

you are the one who believes in smoke
smiles and candid cadavers. no ones'
nose grows, so everyone must be
undeniably true (except

you lie to yourself, too)


-- I liked this bit the most.

gravity never liked you

but...Gravity likes everybody... :(
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad, that's what I was going for! :aww:

well, not her apparently... :noes:
IT'S OKAY! I KNOW YOU LIKE ME! :heart:

Thank you!
Reply
:iconsilver-ships-fly:
silver-ships-fly Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i really love it.
this might just be me, but it seams
more simple than your previous works.
Simple in a good way that is.

:heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sometimes I make things explicitly provocative but other times I leave it like this, so the reader can pull deeper meaning and what I intended if they want to, or read it as is.
Reply
:iconsilver-ships-fly:
silver-ships-fly Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Some people can only do one or the other.
You do both beautifully. C:
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