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I want you to love me as much as you do
the thorns in your side; seeds planted and
forgotten and bleeding cyclically.
when the swallowed night drowns and
drains darkness like a trickled lullaby, I want
to be the last thing in your dreams.

I want to be your mistake East of Eden, your lack
of redemption; when they tear apart your paper
flesh with metal claws, I want to be the one you
come crawling back to with bloodied knees.

[right now I am an empty vessel, unfulfilled
and metaphorically obsolete. I want to clear
my throat for once, without seeing the ashes
of my disease.]

I want to love you like a swansong;
breezes make your bones ache and
I am always cold-- no one wants the
wind: it bites and they identify my
prickled flesh as its invitation.

[I wish I weren’t the pendulum
around your neck, counting the days
until you’d finally leave]

I only ever wanted you to love me.
Romanticism tempered with codependency, the loveliest concoction for all fairytale endings.

(Not exactly happy, but my bad attempt at a romance poem.)
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:iconameliemj:
ameliemj Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This sounds like something out of a fairetale <3
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013   General Artist
I love the rawness and the sanguine imagery throughout the poem :love:
Marvelous piece as always, madpie :tighthug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013   General Artist
You are always, always welcome, my dear. :heart:
Reply
:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
And you tried to talk about me and imagery. You are the best at it! :star:

You have me feeling so many conflicted emotions right now.

so many feels.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I learned from watching youuu.

I'll give you feels all night long :meow:
Reply
:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
YOU LIE, YOU BAD LIE

o bbi :iconlazyshyplz:
Reply
:iconbluezbreakr:
Bluezbreakr Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013
:icontakemybodyplz:

Oh? That's not an icon?

Let's make it an icon, bby.
Reply
:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:flirty:
Reply
:iconbluezbreakr:
Bluezbreakr Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013
:iconeyebrowsplz:
Reply
:iconetherealmartyr:
EtherealMartyr Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The emotions in this are strong and beautiful. It's really a wonderful poem. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: I'm honored! Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconpastmisfortunes:
PastMisfortunes Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Don't be so hard on yourself. I think it's beautiful. ^^
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:blush: thank you!
Reply
:iconinfinitexxx:
infinitexxx Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you're amazing. like damn... let me love you. :heart: give me your talent
<3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
;u;
asdfghjkljhgarhukeath you are too nice.
thank you!
Reply
:iconinfinitexxx:
infinitexxx Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart: <3
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your artist comment box is a damn good definition of fairytale endings. :nod: I'm amused with that idea.

The poem... You, my dear, are very good with setting a mood. This mood feels lost and lacking, but your writing is very much not that. Good work. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: goodness, thank you so much.

I'm delighted to hear your kind words, you are so very lovely :heart;
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're the lovely one, doll.
Keep filling my inbox. :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Student Writer
It's kind of a possessive sort of love, sort of like if they can't be loved, at least they can be hated...
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think love is a lot more like that than most people realize.
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Student Writer
:nod: And when they do realize it, they're stunned by the strength of such 'awful' emotions.
Reply
:iconusuawolfpup:
UsuaWolfPup Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
This is fascinating. I really enjoyed this poem, it's not a usual romance poem.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm honored to hear so, thank you.
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is one of the most perfect romance poems I've ever read. It's not sweet or cliche. It's very real-feeling and it reads with a sort of... tightness. Like it's a romance that's teetering on the edge of being an obsession.

Either way, this is fucking beautiful. One of your more brilliant pieces.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:faint: you are just too lovely to be real. Every time I get a compliment from you I'm still a little surprised, because I can't believe someone whose work I love so incredibly much thinks so :noes:

you are fantastic, thank you so so much :heart:
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You've gotten our roles reversed, once again, dear XD That is exactly the way I feel about your work and compliments. X3

Entirely my pleasure, of course! You're more than welcome, love.
Reply
:iconvoltairemarx:
voltairemarx Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love this.
:) Ill love ya that way :3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
well you're just all around lovely :heart:
Reply
:iconvoltairemarx:
voltairemarx Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:) Awh thank you dear :D Guess what!?!?
We've got 100 poems up!!!!!
YAY!!!!!
Reply
:iconmichel-le-fou:
Michel-le-fou Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Professional Writer
Fascinating allegory. Especially the closinglines about a pendulum counting remaining days of the relationship. Unfortuinaely for us both,this is not in "Critique Me" so I cannot say too much.
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I really like that second stanza.

Generally, I like how visceral it is.
There is an interesting tension in it - straddling that line between passion and obsession.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:

I'm glad to hear, I was trying to contrast that feeling of desire and desperation.
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome!

I think you succeeded then.
Reply
:iconunenglishable:
unenglishable Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
tearing apart paper flesh with metal claws... excellent imagery!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconunenglishable:
unenglishable Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
you're welcome :)
Reply
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
This is really special. I love the bleak romanticism, the biting sarcastic way you speak of love. I really enjoyed this.

"I am always cold-- no one wants the
wind: it bites and they identify my
prickled flesh as its invitation."

the imagery here is so fantastic.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so touched that you think so! :heart: Thank you very much.
Reply
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