Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
i
I wrote you a poem.

skeleton smile-- moonbeams
drip from your unharnessed
habilitations; you speak and
ravens tear through your throat
(I will be there) you are
a catalyst whose ghost eyes
died for a better day

ii
unaware promise bearer, take
me away. as you live these
beautiful vanities, take me
away

somewhere refined and romantic
like the lies you languish, where
a heavy heart weighs up to
something nice

iii
primed and pruned, I am
a seedling: an exaltation to
all that is you

we both cry the same kind
of quiet, and whisper the same brand
of please-don’t-listen-close; I
just want to leave before I break
when you [do it first] decide there is
a life worth more than the scars
I bear (though I mostly want to ask

does it ever go away?)

iv
churning repetitions of an
unmentioned time, I carry you
within my mouth; tucked away and
slowly disintegrating the things
I barely speak:

(you saw more of me than either of us
could admit) the time for letting go
has passed me by
Each section is something I'll never be able to tell someone in my life.

I may do this again. It was passive aggressive therapeutic.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconvallestin:
Vallestin Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
O beautiful obscurity
However deep you speak to me
I cannot fathom your abyss
Of radiant permissiveness 

I love this 

Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THANK YOU
Reply
:iconhnchatham7:
hnchatham7 Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013
i can relate to the words. i feel them as if they were speaking to my soul. thank you for sharing your beautiful words.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much for your praise <3
Reply
:iconhnchatham7:
hnchatham7 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013
you are very welcome.
Reply
:iconhnchatham7:
hnchatham7 Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013
there are no words for this. other than breathtaking.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're too kind :heart:
Reply
:iconj-uyen3:
j-uyen3 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ASDJKLFHJL I never commented on your work before because I fear I'm too stupid to say something as meaningful as all the others who comment, and I'll sadly admit that half the time I don't entirely understand all the vocabulary (LOL I sound stupid). But, I do read all your work that you've posted ever since I watched you on dA and I felt the need to say that I LOVEEE THIS. SO MUCH. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh gosh that's way too kind ;u; you never have to be afraid to comment, haha, no one is going to judge you. And thank you so so much!
Reply
:iconj-uyen3:
j-uyen3 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahaha I know but in the end I still feel awkward about commenting sometimes. xD
You're welcome!!! :la:
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Writer
Holy. Shit. That is my critique. Holy shit.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I hope that's for good reason, then, but ashjdgashkjghhas
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Writer
It's your writing. I don't think it can be taken any other way.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hush, you're too lovely. I envy your talent.
Reply
:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Student Writer
Bah! Your poem made my eyes go from: o.o to O.O and inspired me to write. Your gallery is a pool of inspiration and joy.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
then I'm so excited to see your writing! :la: (and still incredibly honored)
Reply
:iconintrasect:
IntraSect Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
"Clipped wings and caged: unable to fly."

"Why hide real inside? Come, now, is it truly so bad?"

"No, my dear, but it may be all we'll ever have."
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Are these things you'd like to say?
Reply
:iconintrasect:
IntraSect Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013
It is difficult to explain. Not all thoughts in my mind are my own and they rarely translate to language. This is the best I can do. It is somehow a more-precise translation if it is conversation.
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
All your poetry sounds so damn good aloud. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I imagine anything would in your voice :D
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013
:blush:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Writer
It really does feel like a heavy heart that has just been unburdened. :tighthug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Student Writer
My pleasure =)
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is so lovely

sometimes passive aggressive is all we can be
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
just like you

(isn't that the truth)
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
more so you than me :iconlainloveplz:
Reply
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013
I really admire your courage in posting this piece. Your wonderful imagery enhances the sad anguish and sarcastic undertones I heard as I read this. The personal aspect is magnificent, and the format is something I'd like to try and am scared to. Wonderfully done.

" you are
a catalyst whose ghost eyes
died for a better day"

" tucked away and
slowly disintegrating the things
I barely speak:

(you saw more of me than either of us
could admit)"

asdafgdfgfh. I'm in awe.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aw, thank you. It's not really courage since I'm hiding behind things I won't say ^^; but I think sometimes there's a lot of power in personal thoughts, which is why I chose to share it. You definitely ought to try formatting like this or even a poem in this style, maybe. It's reinvigorating.

ashdjgjjfkhsja you're awesome c:
Reply
:iconreflectionsinwater:
reflectionsinwater Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
skeleton smile-- moonbeams
drip from your unharnessed
habilitations; you speak and
ravens tear through your throat
(I will be there) you are
a catalyst whose ghost eyes
died for a better day

what lovely imagery :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're so sweet :heart:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ah, I really love this one. each section has a nice flow but then they flow well all strung together.

you are
a catalyst whose ghost eyes
died for a better day


a heavy heart weighs up to
something nice


we both cry the same kind
of quiet, and whisper the same brand
of please-don’t-listen-close


these are all beautiful and my favorites.

I've missed your writing though it has only been a few days, haha.
guess I suffer withdrawal pretty quickly.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm quite touched to hear that! They weren't all towards the same people, but I hoped with the way I organized them it would still have some sense of continuity. and gosh that makes me really happy. When I was gone I felt all guilty that I wouldn't upload anything for four days, then I figured no one would even notice :iconlazycryplz:

You are so wonderful, thank you :huggle:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah, I could tell they weren't for the same person but there was still a sense of unity between all of them. I guess united in the fact that they won't be told to their respective persons.

aw, of course people would notice one of the best writers and people on dA was gone. haha, I notice when you've been gone for a day!

welcome:hug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh dear my gosh you leave me so happy every time we talk ;u; gah :tighthug: you're the greatest
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:D same.
:hug: hehe, reminds me of a Cat Power song...the greatest.
Reply
:iconwingz69:
WiNGz69 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student Writer
Why such somber feelings? I was admiring so much your poems when you filled them with positivity. I admire your style like I always do but I do miss your poems with uplifting tones (rhyme not intended). It was well written, so I admire that.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I try and be as true to myself as I can when I write. A straight answer about this poem specifically would be that it is a lot easier for me to openly tell people positive things, and the things I cannot tell them usually tend towards darker and more somber, as you put it. But for my writing as a whole, I used to try to throw in "happy" poems here and there to contrast my other works; then I realized I was forcing these pieces that weren't even necessarily good and overly cliched, trying to fulfill what I assumed others wanted. So now I write what I need and hope that others enjoy it.

I'll keep that in mind, though, and try and write lighter. It seems like I get that response a lot D:
Reply
:iconwingz69:
WiNGz69 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student Writer
Your poems are beautiful no matter what but when you are digging within yourself I find it enlightening when someone grabs a hold of something positive within and represents it symbolically through their chosen art form. I just happen to have a preference but anytime you are writing is a good time. If when you were writing what you say are "happy" poems and they felt forced its your way of showing you something you need to learn. The more you practice the less it will feel forced to you. Regardless, I think your poems are beautiful, just like you.

Think of me the next time you write one of your lighter pieces though :D.
Reply
:iconirichei:
irichei Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student Artist
I like your tone, I think you should tell them all (=
I too have written a poem of something I wish I could tell someone, though, I probably won't anytime soon /=
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much. You should consider uploading it!
Reply
:iconirichei:
irichei Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student Artist
I did!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconintricately-ordinary: More from intricately-ordinary


Featured in Collections

ENGLISH LANGUAGE by lombregrise

Treasured Literature by LadyLincoln

writing by Hfeather53


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
February 24, 2013
File Size
1.3 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
821
Favourites
51 (who?)
Comments
43
×