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December 25, 2012
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secrets entwined,
sugared kisses lie (dormant)
her starry smile twinkles,
linen skin, fresh, unwrinkled,
"wear me"

bodies out back in rows,
stowed, head to toe, measured
by stature, counted by
statistic.
you are a number.

hearts quiver, splayed
openly beating
bleeding defeating
purpose and point, pain
holds no meaning,
crudely careening

you are a number

and sailor boy swoons, caught
in the tides of her moon.
quaky sea feet hold no
ground

he's drowning on land
breathing in sand
falling

she's already gone,
grave gusts at dawn
whisper

you knew it all along,
she's gone

you are only a number.
and she smiles again, before the stars burn out.

perhaps there's a reason I don't write love poems.
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:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
"And she smiles again, before the stars burn out."

I swear, you have some of the most profound sentences I have ever seen, and every single one of them is inspiring to me.
OH MY GOD YOU'RE MY NEW MUSE.
THIS IS HAPPENING.
RIGHT NOW.
:O

(I don't think I've ever had a muse before. Wheeeeeee)

Anyway, I found this to be...disturbingly beautiful. I am perpetually amused by your rhyming when it surfaces--was it intentional this time? :giggle:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ahsdjkaghjksdlgahjdshkgjhsdk you just made my day you lovely woman! I don't think I've ever been anyone's muse before! :faint:

:la: I'm so glad, and, :giggle: yes, in this piece the rhyming was incredibly intentional xD it was the whole reason I wrote it.

Thank you so much! :tighthug:
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:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
:iconlawooplz:

Yaaaaaaaaaay!!!!! :iconlahugplz:
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
... I read this poem twice... it flowed so well...

Your rhyming is very well written, honestly; the opening seemed rough in the first running, but then got better as one read on.... :clap: and that's what happened once the rhyming started...

it was good, honestly speaking... the sense of being just one person who is shallow to comprehend what she was going through... and didn't do much about it...

Its a harsh feeling... well portrayed...
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! I'm glad it flowed well.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:)
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:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ya know, this could be a song. :)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
oh my gosh! writing songs is hard >> or, at least my attempts make it appear that way :giggle:
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:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Bah...you have the rhythm for it.
That's the hard part.
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:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Good god, this is a wonderful piece. I was positively blushing by the end of the first stanza and then I felt myself jerked out of the reverie, forcefully, but in the best of ways. The flow is a fun thing to ponder over, too, it comes off almost as a fast-rap in my head but this could simply be because my heart was already beating fast and I just ran with it! In any case, I love the flow and the rhythm... and, as always, YOUR WORDS! :worship:
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