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ENGLISH LANGUAGE by lombregrise

Writings by Ravenshymn


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August 4, 2012
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The sweetest curses are sugar on lips
If I died this evening, you'd find your name
aflame- the words I last shouted in vain
lingering on my tongue like a toxic kiss-
revenge is addicting, venomous pain,
even spent on cries I know are mundane
No fixing up this unholiest tryst,
forged by two fools who believed in their lies;
or maybe it was I, eager for light
even in spite of the flaws I had seen
Can light be fake? Were your twinkling eyes
a mere disguise to make me ignite?
Aflame, in vain, impure light fuels my screams
So, a break from free verse. This is a Petrarchan (learned what that was yesterday...) sonnet. For FFF's contest: [link], and to promote the lovely new group I am a contributor of: #Crowns-of-Sonnets Join if you are a lover of sonnets.


Tell me what you think. It's my first time using a form in a while, hope I'm not rusty.

edit: DLD [link]
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:iconallbeautifulthings:
allbeautifulthings Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is lovely! The title caught my eye in particular.
I do love the rhymes you have in here. They are not at all overdone. And I could see this becoming a spoken poem. (:
Though, I feel that the last word, "screams", throws off your beat a bit. I was expecting another rhyme there, actually! I'm sure "screams" works just as well. Sometimes it just depends on personal preference, I guess. ^_-
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
In the last line, "seen" is supposed to rhyme with "screams." It's the rhyme scheme for the petrarchan, which was really complicated for me xD

Thank you so much. I'm absolutely honored to have a compliment from a writer of your caliber :heart:
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:iconallbeautifulthings:
allbeautifulthings Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my goodness! As far as poetry forms go, I really am only exposed to free verse and sonnets. So then you did a magnificent job! ^-^ Especially since you were just trying it out. It frequently takes me so many times to write a new poetry form well.

And I should be the one who is honored to have been noticed by a writer like yourself. :]
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:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Student General Artist
HA HA! If I got your meaning right, it's someone you don't like? There is actually someone I know whose last name has become a local euphemism. :D He's annoying.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, my intention was someone who'd had a falling out, and now spent their time cursing their mistakes.
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:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Student General Artist
That was what I thought. It's a very good poem. I'm impressed.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh wow, thank you so much! That means the world to me :tighthug:
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:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Student General Artist
Ha Ha! ^_^ You're welcome. I mean that.
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:iconnuitnuit01:
NuitNuit01 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful writting. <3
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :tighthug: that means a lot
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