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Submitted on
November 14, 2012
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1.1 KB
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67 (who?)
they called you beautiful

with porcelain eyes about to crack
and cigarette skin crumbling
away, a knotted spine and
jagged smile:

you were never gracious.

you're slipping underneath, this
virulent smog masks a paper sky that
never allowed a dream and

you're afraid because it's soaking in
your pores again, unattainable and unoriginal;
the meaning of life never meant enough-

you were never hopeful.

there's a getaway map on the underside
of your pillow, and a lifetime of secrets
on the underside of your bones

you're a walking travesty:
your chest ticks, dull
your wrist beats, dying
time is keeping you but

you were never patient.

you lie large enough to make us believe you
don't entertain nightmares, but what if
no one could hear you scream?

remarkable, it seems
caged birds really know how
to sing out

(you were always beautiful)
Ever notice how some of the strongest people break the easiest?
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there's a getaway map on the underside
of your pillow, and a lifetime of secrets
on the underside of your bones

This makes me feel so conflicted. The first part is kinda whimsical and then suddenly!grimdark
yay! I'm glad. I tried to keep it fluid and moving throughout.
Will7744 Nov 22, 2012  Professional Writer
doesn't need the tag line, you say it in the poem - a lot of nice images that flow together without weighing things down or calling too much attention to themselves - you peel back the onion on your subject nicely here while evoking a good narrative - particularly like "there's a getaway map on the underside/of your pillow, and a lifetime of secrets/on the underside of your bones", that's a cut stone - you got chops
Thank you so much for the feedback! It's always wonderful to know what I've done right, so I can continue to the same as I keep writing. Again, thank you, I appreciate the support!
Sammur-amat Nov 18, 2012   General Artist
So very true. I know I always do.

Lovely piece of lit as always, madpie! :tighthug:
oh, thank you so very much! you are so kind :huggle:
Sammur-amat Nov 19, 2012   General Artist
and you are far too beautiful. :heart:
Kinthinia Nov 18, 2012  Student Writer
I love the imagery in this! Absolutely astounding, creating a beautiful story.
Thank you so much! I tried out a lot of new descriptions in this piece, I'm glad to hear it worked :tighthug:
dreamsinstatic Nov 16, 2012  Professional Writer
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
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