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:iconintricately-ordinary: More from intricately-ordinary


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Writing by TwilightPoetess

writing by Hfeather53

Literature by SomethingOnceSacred


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Submitted on
October 24, 2012
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345
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37
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along the road to change, you decide:
you lack a heart. your voice will
tear the world asunder. you
wreak havoc on the unassuming,
because you stopped trusting in
institutional stability the day
God poured over you.

He cleansed you in his tears, He said
He built you strong- it was
an obligation with weighted
requirements. He drove nails into
your flesh to test your faith,
you were pained and you were
perfect.

you were a prize, a person to
swallow lechery and lead our world
into redemption; you would tempt us
from our questions why

everyone needs a Hero
(but who do you have?)

-

I cared about you, once, when
you were unbroken and not yet
perfect; when you still believed
the sun had a reason it rose.

but you never felt a thing because
when God drove into you, He whispered
away all human instincts

(no one should ever have to love
a shattered world)
A lot of thoughts coalesced in this piece.
I don't know where my brain is going anymore.
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:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
wanna know why I adore you? Every time I come back and re-read one of your poems, I find something new, something that hadnt occurred to me before. This really is wonderful.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
goodness, you are far too kind. thank you so much, I think I'm going to keep this comment in my message box for few months so I can look at it whenever I feel low :love:
Reply
:iconconfidencealive:
confidenceAlive Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. I'm not even sure what to say that hasn't already been said.. I really love the mish-mash of concepts in this, leaves one a lot to think about
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
If it left you thinking, then I am very very happy. Thank you so much for your comment, it really means a lot to me :heart:
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:iconconfidencealive:
confidenceAlive Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank-YOU for sharing yourself (:
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:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012
For a moment, I thought this was a religions piece, and I wasn't sure what to think about that idea. But the more I read, the less it seemed so, and the more it seemed to be from the viewpoint of a friend, talking to someone who was once very logical and critically thinking, only to accept God into his life and change all of that, and no longer look for reason in things, no longer dislike the broken pieces in the world, but instead, loving what's ruined because God has said to do so.

It just...

Wow. :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really really love your interpretation of this piece. To be honest, I hadn't even thought of it as such; but the fact you can pull such a beautiful and inspiring message makes me happier than you know.
As always... thank you for your support. It really means the world to me, I am so lucky to have a friend like you :hug:
Reply
:iconzaquiastorm:
ZaquiaStorm Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012
:tighthug:



:iconlawooplz:
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
hmmm I really like the character here - I think this "you" is presented very well. I saw them as someone once looked up to or respected and admired rather but then the dissatisfaction in the person caused them to change into a shadow of their former self. There seems to be a certain sadness or disappointment in the narrators voice. I don't know - that's the sense I got out of it.

an interesting piece and one I think will have different meaning for different people. perhaps a different meaning for each read, even!
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment. That was really my intention. Someone who tried too hard, and broke; and a longing in the narrator for the time before that.
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
no problem :)
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:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I felt the same way. In that it was someone once admired but they lost themselves in something else completely.

I think the you is going to be different upon every person.

Very well done darling.
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:thumbsup:
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:iconvertigoart:
VertigoArt Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Professional Writer
Interesting ...
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :heart:
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:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
This is interesting. I can't shake the feeling that this is more than I fathom at the moment. A couple of great lines in this however. "You were pained and you were perfect." and "No one should ever have to love a shattered world." are wonderful.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so happy you found it interesting. Thank you very much for your kindness, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it :heart:
Reply
:iconparsat:
Parsat Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012   Writer
The part after the dash I thought was powerful, but the content before it contained a bunch of mixed metaphors that didn't really help each other.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Alright, I appreciate that. Sometimes when I eliminate stanzas I forget to conclude points I've brought up. I changed it a little, and took out a few of the conflicting metaphors. Thank you.
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:iconparsat:
Parsat Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012   Writer
It's much better after the edits.
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Student Writer
Wow. The idea here I get is that...God demands too much of humans so much that should they manage to follow His dictations, they are almost un-human. The price of belief almost :love:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That was one of my intentions. I am really happy you picked up on the price of belief, and un-human idea. That was what I wanted to convey, thank you very much :heart:
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome, always happy to pick up what one is trying to convey =D
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:iconsirweston:
sirweston Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I couldn't find meaning of any sort in this. Perhaps a stronger sense of direction is necessary, or I'm just not observant.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm not really sure what you are looking for. Um. If you are want me to tell you my intentions, I certainly can, but I'm not sure if you're just telling me you don't like my piece.
...alright, then.
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:iconsirweston:
sirweston Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Surprisingly, I had no qualms with how it was written. I just couldn't get anything out of it.
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Student Writer
For me, if it helps, I find the meaning the the person 'you' is Jesus, because it's as though God made him not human, made him and broke him and belief in God takes more than humans have to give ^^; Sorta?
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:iconsirweston:
sirweston Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. That's pretty spot on, now that I look at it with a Jesus-tinted lens.
But somehow I don't think Maddie is the sort for religious poetry, so following that line of reasoning, perhaps a person who pushed themselves beyond normal means for their faith, literally living like Jesus?
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Student Writer
Yeah, it was how I made sense of it at first ^^
But I agree, it is basically someone who just pushes themselves beyond mere empathetic humanity to the near godly forgiveness that makes them saints. Sorta. It's more in human nature to be selfish than it is to give, I think. That's why I respect martyrs so much, because to give up what is very precious, to give up life, for what you believe in, well, it's admirable. Also, sometimes, well, stupid, but still admirable.
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:iconsirweston:
sirweston Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, it's to be admired. I think that human nature is a little less cruel than that, though.
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Student Writer
It can be that extreme though, unfortunately ^^;
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:iconsirweston:
sirweston Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sad, but true. I like to think that radical nature has burnt out of human blood, but I know it hasn't.
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Student Writer
I don't think it ever will ^^;
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(1 Reply)
:iconfires-of-winter:
Fires-of-Winter Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
This was.... Absolutely perfect. :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much :heart:
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