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October 2, 2013
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for the past four years
I’ve been in love with a boy
who’s too busy loving life to notice
I exist. I don’t think he’s ever seen me
past his tunnel vision living--

I’m in love with a boy who
wears black gauges and swears
he’s a deist who’s fed up with
the backwards-fucked system
that governs our lives; he talks to me
about the symbolic importance
of hunger and need and rebellion
and isolationism and death as
Orwell and Golding must have written it,

and, god, I just want to crack open
my ribs so he can see the literary
starvation destroying me, the not-quite
metaphoric devastation of my liver and
paper cuts scarring my heart. I want

him to talk to me about the reasons
we ought to avoid college
and capitalism and commitment and explain
to me what this all really means.

[I want to be so unflinchingly honest
with you that it will be as natural
and sinful as all the others
before, just without the glare
of bare skin and self-hate. I want to tell you

about the dam two miles out from my house
and how it calls to me nightly. I want to tell you
about the lake where I had my first kiss and
my first dive at loneliness and how it turns
inky black when you’re not watching.

I want you to know that I can’t cry anymore
as some broken time blocks my tear ducts,
and that I can’t even string a sentence up
properly without it fraying. I want you to know

I’m afraid of silence. I want you to realize
I can’t speak about myself without lying;
I don’t think you know how much
I don’t know. I don’t know why sometimes
when you stare at me I forget how to breathe
and speak like I know what I’m doing.

I don’t know what cosmic force keeps my heart beating
when my brain has stopped. I don’t know
how to forget, I don’t know where I’m going or
who I’m dragging with me. I don’t know
what political turmoil I’m stepping into,
or what parties to get trashed at, or
the difference between those two.
I want you to know I don’t know anything,

I’m not worth anything, but for
as long as I live, I will want
to know you.]
he wears tacky hawaiian shirts and flip flops and gets stoned too often and is surrounded by people he hates. he knows way too much about politics and life and things that shouldn't matter and has the goddamn most beautiful smile that's so real it hurts
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:iconheylookitsvante:
heylookitsvante Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i like it.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you <3
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:iconimaginedreality13:
Imaginedreality13 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Student Photographer
everyone has their own string that weaves the fabric of humanity.
and damn...is this my string.
i can feel the tension between the two.
this is intense.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much <3
Reply
:iconimaginedreality13:
Imaginedreality13 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013  Student Photographer
youre welcome :D
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love this and you and I'll have you know this ought to be published. Ahem.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: stop flattering me
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No, ma'am. One of these days you'll mind me and go get yourself famous in poeting. ;)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
fantastic verb conjugation, there <3
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
latest avatar 
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