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breezes are fickle things, you said
when your eyes were somewhere far away

the wind danced in the narrow expanse
of all our waning hopes and desires,
and something about the way the air grew static
made me remember a time when
inexperience was still a virtue.


sparks go out, you said
as the discord dimmed
(glossy eyes weren't always
made of glass, but they became
along the line of desperation)

I truly believed the world pulsed somewhere
in the cadence of your voice,
because in your breath- earthquakes would
break and oceans would crash and I always
came up short.


we're living a borrowed life, you said
but no one ever taught us how
to save up time

don't try to tell me
pain is pertinent to
everyday living
I couldn't
hear my own words, either


forget me, you said
I am only evanescent
   I am beautiful, forget me
       let me
    fly

you didn't earn those wings
from saving any souls,
you just wanted a better way
to discard the day.


fading away used to be
something beautiful
“Soon passing out of sight, memory, or existence; quickly fading or disappearing.”
Evanescent is a pretty word. (an ugly state of mind)
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:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
"and something about the way the air grew static
made me remember a time when
inexperience was still a virtue."

damn. this hit me hard.. the loss of innocence is quickly forgotten.. a brilliant poem.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much :heart: I'm honored you felt that way
Reply
:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
everything about this is so... wise. it's a weird word to describe it but this poem makes me think that you must know the meaning of everything. also i lovelove this:

I truly believed the world pulsed somewhere
in the cadence of your voice


:heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm absolutely honored you think so! :heart: Thank you for the comment.
Reply
:iconshannon-sweeney:
Shannon-Sweeney Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Featured [link]
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you are so wonderful!! :heart: I greatly look forward to reading the other featured work (:
Reply
:iconshannon-sweeney:
Shannon-Sweeney Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:) :heart:
Reply
:icondagoth-jeff:
dagoth-jeff Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Depressing... written from a pained heart?
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I actually wrote it purely off the inspiration from the word "evanescent" and then saw how closely it related to me, personally.
Reply
:icondagoth-jeff:
dagoth-jeff Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well, it was very clever.
Reply
:iconwillschenck:
WillSchenck Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012
wow.
i'm struggling for words to describe this.
which says something, seeing as i like to call myself a writer.

this piece washed over me.
completely engrossing.
the feelings inspired are gentle and airy,
but the message is pounded in a way that's entirely raw, entirely visceral.

you're an expert of sorts, but you write like you don't know it.

bravo.
write more, please. i promise i'll be reading.

:heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I can't tell you how much this comment has made my day.
It means so much that something I was able to write (and, in this, something that felt like it held so much of me) was able to have any impact.
And, I think that might be how I feel, too. Gentle on the outside, but raw and open within.

Really, thank you so so much.
:heart:
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012   Writer
Stanza five is my favorite. This is very well written :-)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
that's been something that's been on my mind forever. borrowed time drags out longer. Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconop1ateddreems:
OP1atedDreems Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Student Writer
gave me the tickles. captivating work, with its smooth execution and gorgeous bit of ache filtered in the spaces.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm honored it could tickle you. Thank you so very much.
Reply
:iconop1ateddreems:
OP1atedDreems Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Student Writer
my pleasure.
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Student Writer
I think you portrayed that word beautifully, and what an imagination, to be inspired by a single word, and come up with something so melancholic.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
it's one of the most beautiful words I've encountered, and the first I've been inspired to write a poem around.

thank you, dear :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Student Writer
I'm so glad it inspired you! It led to a wonderful piece. :love:

You're welcome love =)
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
This beautiful, and sad. A different approach to the word than I'm use to. Brilliant job! :tighthug: :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I was surprised when I actually read the definition, I never imagined it to be so dismal. Thank you very much, dear :tighthug:
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
You are very welcome! Beautiful work! It could be dismal, that' true, but it could also be beauty, like a rainbow, or like the fading of vapors, if those vapors were pain. :heart: But I like how you incorporated it into the self, like letting yourself fade. A sad state of mind! You made a fantastic impact! :huggle:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
wow! maybe I need to redirect my thinking ^^; I hadn't even thought about that. thank you!
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012
Oh I thought it was great though! I hadn't thought about it the other way either, and I think it's great. Thank you so much for sharing! :tighthug: This was very inspiring! :la: :glomp: SO Thank you as well ^^ :huggle:
Reply
:iconnikikt:
nikikt Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This poem is truly remarkable. The fact that you can make me understand something so clearly for which I have little to sympathize with and connect with is astounding. I love this one more than your usual work, Intricate, and that means you win an internet. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad it was something you can understand. Thank you very much for that honor, as well as the undeserved internet, my dear :tighthug:
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"forget me, you said
I am only evanescent
I am beautiful, forget me
let me
fly

you didn't earn those wings
from saving any souls,
you just wanted a better way
to discard the day."

Oh my goodness, this is so beautiful! I love this part. <3 great job!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, I really appreciate it! That means so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconsafe-as-houses:
Safe-As-Houses Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Very lovely... This captured me right from the first line. It makes me think of someone I know, and I appreciate the surfacing recollections. Excellent work.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so glad this was something you could connect to your personal experiences, it's wonderful to know it was relatable. Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconsafe-as-houses:
Safe-As-Houses Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Indeed it is.
My pleasure! :hug:
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Student Writer
Wow.

I have to say, I was surprised when I saw who had written this. Not because you're normally bad or anything, but because the sheer increase in talent/technicality/ability here is phenomenal. I'm so impressed by the strides you've made. This is fantastic.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I so appreciate the fact you think I've improved. I've always known there were qualities of my writing that needed to grow, so to hear this, especially from someone as talented and someone I admire as much as you is really making me feel... flustered, honestly.
Thank you, very very much :heart:
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Student Writer
Oh, thank God for taking this so well! I was looking for the poem again, because I was worried I came across as a little terse. I didn't mean to. Listen...I love the level you were at before. But this is just...so much higher. And I'm glad you've grown. And that you admire my work! Yay! I've always really loved how hard you push yourself and how experimental you're willing to be. :) It is really paying off.
Reply
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