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The Last Time I saw you,
you were down in the dirt,
[literally] on hands and knees,
looking for the bit of magic
your father had promised was toiling
just underneath the surface.

You feel it, you whispered in
a cotton hush like the vibrancy
of your voice would intimidate the
dreams you scraped at beneath the
faultlines. Daddy never told a lie
[excluding the usual good things
come to those who wait, and 'tis better
to have loved and lost, and every end
is a new beginning]. You feel it,
you whispered, trembling at the hands
the same way you did for the Pills
that couldn't quite fix the Problem.

.

I never really understood all the ways
you crumbled. Ours was only
a simple appreciation, the kind
you see in dog-eared romance novels
and time-old photographs but never
real living people. And The Night

you swore to me you loved everyone
in the world, imperfections and
jaded natures and judging eyes and all,
for the simple fact they were alive,
I called you crazy. You said
they were impossible examples of
what happens when fate and fortune
and other untouchable things come together.
I told you no, things are sometimes just
what they are and you asked, then how
could I ever love me?

I didn't question it when you woke
up crying, asking who could
catch the pieces of falling stars

.

You are a little child, hiding
under the bed with your monsters
because you realize fear is merely
a concept and reality is the only thing
that ties you to consciousness, like a firm hand
pressing your head underwater until
you forget what it is to breathe.

You are a dreamergirl, singly
defined, stars stapled in and on
your brittle bones, wishes staining
your breath like some expired alcohol;

lives originating and dying
in your universe eyes. The Last Time
I saw you, you said I just need you
to believe in me before turning and

running away.
this is really hugely experimental based off poets (who have waaay different styles than me) that I admire and if you read all that up there thank you and I'm sorry if it was ramblyawful, I may just delete it later
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:iconfieryspark:
FierySpark Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Awww i love this soooo much its so beautiful <33
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! :heart:
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:iconkittykatmwuster:
KittykatMWuster Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
absolutely absolutely beautiful. Amazing. Intricately and delicately made. It's like a piece of glass. I don't know what I'm saying. Absolutely absolutely beautiful.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ugh thank you so much you're the loveliest thing <3
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:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
If you delete this then I will be severely upset.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I won't! :heart:
Reply
:iconpastmisfortunes:
PastMisfortunes Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Noooo, don't delete it! I'm going to critique it ASAP.
Reply
:iconnikikt:
nikikt Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Please, please keep this up! ERMAHGERD, it has me in this perpetual state of deep thought that i just cant shake that your poetry always put me in. and i love it. I just don't know how to ever describe what I'm feeling here. This really is amazing, please keep this up!
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're such a sweetheart, thank you for your support! I will certainly keep trying
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:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013  Student Writer
ramblybeautiful. :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love:
Reply
:iconhgfdsasdfgh:
hgfdsasdfgh Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Student General Artist
I really like this one. :)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! :star:
Reply
:iconhgfdsasdfgh:
hgfdsasdfgh Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Student General Artist
You're welcome! :la:
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:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013
Please ,please, please dont delete this. It is so unique. Reading through it, I heard the voice of deep south grandmother speaking to her grandchild. The language you used here is brilliant, the concepts are fresh and vivid.

"You are a little child, hiding
under the bed with your monsters
because you realize fear is merely
a concept and reality is the only thing
that ties you to consciousness, like a firm hand
pressing your head underwater until
you forget what it is to breathe."

amazing. I really love this stanza..oh who am I kidding I love the whole thing.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the way you chose to hear it. And goodness :heart: thank you so much!
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Student Writer
NO. IT IS BEAUTIFUL. It's touching and kind of makes one want to cry and smile at the same time, like innocence isn't good enough for reality anymore but it's still existing anyways.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
that's a beautiful way of putting it :love: thank you
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Student Writer
:glomp: Welcome. Don't delete this!
Reply
:iconsirlorcan:
SirLorcan Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013
Don't delete it! It's amazing.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: you're lovely
Reply
:iconsirlorcan:
SirLorcan Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013
Aw thank you. You're so sweet.
Don't delete, seriously. It's very inspiring and eloquent!
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
So lovely as always! You do so have a way with words, my dear. Each time I read or re-read your work, I can find something new and beautiful and raw in it. Such talent; always a pleasure.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you are such a sweetheart :tighthug: thank you so much!
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Not a problem at all, dear! You are most welcome.
Reply
:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013
I want to know which poets inspired you because, God damn, if this isn't one of your finer pieces then I don't know what is.
Whoever they were, they did a sweet job. The stanzas flow so smoothly that you just kind of glide through the whole thing.
You can tell good writing apart because it doesn't stutter along and break unintentionally - really good job.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Bukowski was a big one and then Cummings inspired little things, but being perfectly honest with myself, probably a lot of random YA novelists because of the way they tend to make proper nouns of regular events and list things off in a childish manner, haha. I'm honored to hear that, I was actually really proud of the flow in this :heart: thank you
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Student General Artist
My word, dear, I love this!! Please don't delete :) I can't even put my finger on what specifically I love about it - just everything!

Especially this line: "You said
they were impossible examples of
what happens when fate and fortune
and other untouchable things come together."
so true.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: thank you so much!
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Student General Artist
It's very neat. I think it's not rambling at all! It's actually more coherent and narrative-like than your usual stuff. No offense intended. :D
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ah, yes, I don't usually do full narratives in my poetry with concrete characters because it's hard to accomplish in short poetry
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:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Student General Artist
Well, I like it in this poem :hug:
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013
"You are a little child, hiding
under the bed with your monsters
because you realize fear is merely
a concept and reality is the only thing
that ties you to consciousness, like a firm hand
pressing your head underwater until
you forget what it is to breathe."


:heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
<3
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:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't think you should delete this. Though it may not be your crowning achievement (and really, who can write their crowning achievement every time?), it's a lot more cohesive than a mere ramble; it tells a powerful story, with vivid characters and a ending like a kick to the heart. <3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad to hear it, I have this innate fear that all the things I think sound really poetic/profound are actually quite lame and rambly, haha
Reply
:iconnothingspecial62:
NothingSpecial62 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013   General Artist
i don't think that you should delete this piece. :) experimenting is okay and fun every once in a while. i think you should embrace it for what it's worth. <3
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for the advice c: <3
Reply
:iconnothingspecial62:
NothingSpecial62 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013   General Artist
you're welcome, dear. ;w; )/ any time. <3
Reply
:iconsnowjoe72:
snowjoe72 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
My last poem probably won't get any more good reception than you think this will, so I can't really judge at all here....^^; I know for a fact that the pacing on mine was all off and confusing regardless. I just hope people at least like it for what it says, not hate it for how it sounds....
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June 9, 2013
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