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Submitted on
December 23, 2012
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27 (who?)
a sunset blister[pops] overhead, dripping
security. she kisses her lover and leaves
with splinters in lips. there are moments
when she swears she can hear a breath
rattling somewhere within his
reciprocating chest
she swears in vain

and sometimes it's like they recycled
an old day, it fits the same and that
is an alarming halt to progression-
she says, we have to move on

but she doesn't ever leave, feet buried
under years of promises and plans and
anxieties. she's had a bird cage by her bed
since she was a little girl (begging wounded
blue jays to escape)

the day won't break, he watches
her sleep uneasily, respiring
like coffee in the morning is not
a guarantee but a guillotine. he
watches her rise and fall
and the day won't break;

shadows linger on the porch and hide
between pavement cracks, waiting,
for the time when she says she sleeps
to leap into his palms and discolor his
sludgy veins

he smiles, too, crooked like a fence
about to fall. his eyes aren't attached,
they are black. he smiles.

and she sings, but only when the
moon isn't watching, of adventures
and heroes and redeeming dawns
and also about how she has to pick up
dinner on Tuesday

he never hears, he left his ears back
in a time when he really cared.
he just looks on, black eyes,
and nights are pink, too, when
she sleeps restlessly
   breathe in
   breathe out
and the moon isn't watching
and the day won't break

he says goodnight and she cries
so softly even the angels stop to weep
concrete feet and bruised smiles

(I think this one's really a hit or miss. Please tell me if I totally screwed this whole idea up.)
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wannabeliterate Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
What makes this hit that certain bruised and aching spot for me is the repetition of "the day won't break".
I mean, everybody always tells you that life goes on and tomorrow will be a new day...
But what if not? What if this time we wake up and everything will still be the same - and we are caught up in a glitch of time, where the twilight lasts, and the 'redeeming dawn' never comes... on one hand this is a very scary scenario, but on the other hand I remember times in my life, when I thought it should be just like that.

This is the cord this piece strikes in me, and again you succeed in expressing sentiments I didn't even know I was feeling so strongly about. YOU ARE AMAZING!

Well -
It's kind of embarrassing erupting in such spontaneous emotional statements when talking about a poem if you got it totally wrong, so in case this piece has a totally different meaning, please hide this comment... :)
intricately-ordinary Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm actually quite glad you picked up on that. I had a minor storyline floating underneath this piece, but there were a few messages I wanted to stand out- and that was one of them. The inability to escape repetition of your own life. I'm so very delighted you picked up on it and even enjoyed it :heart:

you are so incredibly sweet! :tighthug: thank you for such a thoughtful comment and for being such a wonderful person.
wannabeliterate Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're sweet, but I only look wonderful from a distance :)
flummo Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Love this. I felt like it would've ended nicely even without the last two lines, but never mind.

"the day won't break, he watches
her sleep uneasily, respiring
like coffee in the morning is not
a guarantee but a guillotine. he
watches her rise and fall
and the day won't break;"
To be honest, I included those lines because of a song I'm in love with~
"so like some hybrid mother slash lover she'd soothe and heal his wounds- kiss them dying ears so softly that the reaper stops to swoon"

And thank you so much, dear! :tighthug:
flummo Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Woah, intense. What song is that? :O

Of course! :hug:
It's called Yellow Cat Slash Red Cat [link]
flummo Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I appreciate any and all music that comes my way, so I'll give it a listen. :D
Well, I wouldn't say you screwed the idea up as much as I'm not entirely sure what the idea is. There's so much imagery in it, I have all of these pictures flashing through my mind as I go through each line, and it's kind of like wading through sand, but each grain is vibrant and different and I'm trying to take in every single one of them but I'm overwhelmed by the all-encompassing, blinding beauty of it. I can't quite see the forest for the trees, here.

Once again, your first sentence in the description--"Concrete feet and bruised smiles." A lot of this poem makes me think of abuse, an unhealthy relationship, something they both want out of in one way, but are unwilling to part from in another.

Maybe I'm just dim. :lol:
Nope, that was exactly it. That was my experimental part of the poem, aside from a few mentions, I tried to be really discreet. I had my own message, and I wanted to see if that came through with other people as I told events and not emotions. But, yes, you hit the nail on the head! I'm very happy about that, thank you :heart:
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