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July 5, 2013
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long-legged and twitching
like the spiders
you watch run
down the
drain,

he doesn’t call
you pretty. you remember
his hands tracing the ink
of your veins, but he
doesn’t call you pretty.
he doesn’t hold
the door, and you
think you’re a liar

but the truth is quivering
naked in your voice

(we will name our children after
extinct kingdoms; dead beautiful
things. i will polish the dull spot
in your eye that you developed
after a terminal case of unnoticed

living. i will never be a cure but
damn it if i won’t be a diagnosis)

the static of his vocal chords
brings you back, martyr
without a cause,
he doesn’t call
you pretty and you

don’t question why.
he's caught up in himself

hugely experimental

(was going to say this was based off of real events but then i thought
well, pretty much everything i write is)

edit: absolutely honored to have gotten my second DD, thank you everyone so much for all your support :heart:
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-07-18
he's just not that into you by *intricately-ordinary is a wonderful poem that everyone should read because of its honesty— it's moving and written in such a profound way, says the suggester. ( Suggested by ssensory and Featured by Nichrysalis )
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I wish that your reality were something sweeter, something better
and that your world was even just half as kind
and beautiful
as you are

But in the same breath, I'm glad for the harshness of experience
and that love hurt and the days drew on forever ahead of you
that loneliness
made you beautiful
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconcanis44:
Canis44 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Student Writer
Your work reminds me of the confessional poetry that was prevalent in the 50s and 60s, it especially reminds me of Plath. However, in point of difference, Plath could depict greater depth with her mixture of classical and modern symbolism ex: www.internal.org/Sylvia_Plath/... she was also more surreptitious when it came to reveling 'real events' (in part, the symbolism made it so). One can notice the astucious way in which Plath divulged certain aspects of her life, in say, Ariel or Daddy. My only critique is your use of cliché; I am in agreement with Martin Amis that there should be a literary war against clichés. Therefore, in my opinion, the tile of the piece could have been better. In addition, the use of the phrase ‘martyr without a cause' is probably just as overused as its counterpart, 'rebel without a cause'. Other than that slight critique, this is a great poem; I really liked the lines

"we will name our children after
extinct kingdoms; dead beautiful
things. i will polish the dull spot
in your eye that you developed
after a terminal case of unnoticed
living."

Congratulations on the Daily Deviation. :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much for your feedback. i agree with everything you said. i've noticed in myself when i'm writing about personal events, i allow the cathartic relief i get from writing to overwhelm my technical skills. i tend towards cliches to explain how i'm feeling. i'm going to try and eradicate that as i continue writing. i really appreciate how thoughtful you were with this critique, especially in mentioning Plath; i adore her work. thank you again (:
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:iconred-london:
Red-London Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013
"We will name our children after extinct kingdoms"... wow, very strong, i love it!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! <3
Reply
:iconroninite:
roninite Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is really amazing. The style is simple but it draws deep emotions that are really touching to anyone who's felt that kind of aloneness
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm so glad, i hoped to be able to convey that feeling of loneliness. thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconsomethingsophie:
somethingsophie Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013   Writer
absolutely well deserved, my dear.  :heart:  this is so well done.  
Reply
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