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long-legged and twitching
like the spiders
you watch run
down the
drain,

he doesn’t call
you pretty. you remember
his hands tracing the ink
of your veins, but he
doesn’t call you pretty.
he doesn’t hold
the door, and you
think you’re a liar

but the truth is quivering
naked in your voice

(we will name our children after
extinct kingdoms; dead beautiful
things. i will polish the dull spot
in your eye that you developed
after a terminal case of unnoticed

living. i will never be a cure but
damn it if i won’t be a diagnosis)

the static of his vocal chords
brings you back, martyr
without a cause,
he doesn’t call
you pretty and you

don’t question why.
he's caught up in himself

hugely experimental

(was going to say this was based off of real events but then i thought
well, pretty much everything i write is)

edit: absolutely honored to have gotten my second DD, thank you everyone so much for all your support :heart:
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-07-18
he's just not that into you by *intricately-ordinary is a wonderful poem that everyone should read because of its honesty— it's moving and written in such a profound way, says the suggester. ( Suggested by ssensory and Featured by Nichrysalis )
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I wish that your reality were something sweeter, something better
and that your world was even just half as kind
and beautiful
as you are

But in the same breath, I'm glad for the harshness of experience
and that love hurt and the days drew on forever ahead of you
that loneliness
made you beautiful
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconcanis44:
Canis44 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Student Writer
Your work reminds me of the confessional poetry that was prevalent in the 50s and 60s, it especially reminds me of Plath. However, in point of difference, Plath could depict greater depth with her mixture of classical and modern symbolism ex: www.internal.org/Sylvia_Plath/... she was also more surreptitious when it came to reveling 'real events' (in part, the symbolism made it so). One can notice the astucious way in which Plath divulged certain aspects of her life, in say, Ariel or Daddy. My only critique is your use of cliché; I am in agreement with Martin Amis that there should be a literary war against clichés. Therefore, in my opinion, the tile of the piece could have been better. In addition, the use of the phrase ‘martyr without a cause' is probably just as overused as its counterpart, 'rebel without a cause'. Other than that slight critique, this is a great poem; I really liked the lines

"we will name our children after
extinct kingdoms; dead beautiful
things. i will polish the dull spot
in your eye that you developed
after a terminal case of unnoticed
living."

Congratulations on the Daily Deviation. :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much for your feedback. i agree with everything you said. i've noticed in myself when i'm writing about personal events, i allow the cathartic relief i get from writing to overwhelm my technical skills. i tend towards cliches to explain how i'm feeling. i'm going to try and eradicate that as i continue writing. i really appreciate how thoughtful you were with this critique, especially in mentioning Plath; i adore her work. thank you again (:
Reply
:iconred-london:
Red-London Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013
"We will name our children after extinct kingdoms"... wow, very strong, i love it!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! <3
Reply
:iconroninite:
roninite Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is really amazing. The style is simple but it draws deep emotions that are really touching to anyone who's felt that kind of aloneness
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm so glad, i hoped to be able to convey that feeling of loneliness. thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconsomethingsophie:
somethingsophie Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013   Writer
absolutely well deserved, my dear.  :heart:  this is so well done.  
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're so lovely :heart:
Reply
:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013   Writer
congratulations! i am so happy to see this featured as a DD, it is probably one of my favorites from you! well deserved :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm absolutely honored to hear that from you, thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student General Artist
oh, I thought the writing style seemed familiar! Congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: thank you so much!
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Student General Artist
You're welcome! ^^
Reply
:iconhtsundance:
HTSundance Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student Writer
DD? I don't mean to be rude, because it's not a bad piece, but it needs work in my opinion. Keep it up though, you have an interesting way of phrasing things.
Reply
:iconhtsundance:
HTSundance Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Student Writer
There's a difference between slight criticism and "disapproval". I still complimented it, but I think it could be better.

Every artist knows that criticism is more valuable than blind approval.
Reply
:iconbluejneko:
BlueJNeko Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
A great way to start off my day ^^
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: i'm honored to hear that
Reply
:iconnine-inch-n41l5:
Nine-Inch-N41L5 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is brilliant.
A well deserved DD. Congratulations! :clap:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconnine-inch-n41l5:
Nine-Inch-N41L5 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome!
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
congratulations maddie :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you heather :heart:
Reply
:iconcairisti:
Cairisti Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Fantastic. And incredibly easy to relate to - all too recently meaningful for myself, as well! Well deserved DD :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
it's always nice to know someone's felt the same :heart: thank you!
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student Writer
Congrats on the DD! You totally deserve it! :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:blush: you are so kind to me, thank you!
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013  Student Writer
Well, you're welcome. :giggle:
Reply
:iconannie--chan:
Annie--chan Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is perfect :love: Congrats on the DD! :rose:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :love:
Reply
:iconannie--chan:
Annie--chan Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem :aww:
Reply
:iconluminescentrayne:
LuminescentRayne Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
OOO GURL CONGRATULATIONS!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
TANKS GURL
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013

Gosh Maddie, this is such a lovely piece with knowing paths leading off and coming back in for another look at one's heart while many readers look on and can relate. 

 

Congratulations on the Daily D feature, dear! :+favlove:

Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for such kind words, i'm so happy to know you liked it :love:
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013
You're more than welcome. :blowkiss:
Reply
:iconletheh:
letheH Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
Like the sentence: the truth is quivering
naked in your voice ; )
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconx12-1992:
X12-1992 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
very good, and congrats!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

Oh dear lord. This piece, in my opinion, is *highly* deserving of a Daily Deviation! It's brutally honest in a way that's a bit unnerving, but it unnerves me in all of the right ways. Each line reads so wonderfully into the next, your voice a lullaby or a tide the reader rides to completion. Truly, it is such a beautiful piece! I'm so happy to see you and your poem receive some of the recognition you both deserve~ Which probably could be more eloquently stated, but it portrays love all the same! :love:

 

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! :heart: :la:

Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm so honored to know you feel that way :heart: perhaps because it's personal, i have a hard time seeing this as anything but passive aggressive, haha. your comments are always so lovely, thank you SO much  :iconlainloveplz:
Reply
:iconhgfdsasdfgh:
hgfdsasdfgh Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student General Artist
Oh, congrats on the DD. :meow: You deserve it.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you cassie, i'm so honored :la:
Reply
:iconhgfdsasdfgh:
hgfdsasdfgh Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student General Artist
Of course! Again, you deserve it. :)
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013   General Artist
woohoo! :squee: congratulations on the DD, darlingest dearest! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much, lovely! :iconlaloveplz:
Reply
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