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I have a headache and not enough time
to explain the irony of how I want to be
every pretentious poet making art out of
themselves, cutting open their side and writing
in blood and pixie dust; or how difficult
it is to make a good allegory out of carsickness
and household complacency. this

is every secret I ever hid. when I was 9
someone dissected the world in front of me,
showed me it was a living, wanting thing
and that I was just a lonely cell, functioning
through my dysfunction; when I was 11
the boy I liked told me he’d be interested
if I were prettier and I learned starvation
was more a state of mind than a presence
of being. when I was 13 I researched the lethality
of cleaning products, because god, I felt so dirty,
and nothing can clean you more than a couple cupfuls

of bleach. when I was 15 I was old and decrepit
and mostly dead, returning from war with flowers
for graves that weren’t filled and a heart of
tragedy, vulnerable and draped in every shade
of mourning for the people I loved that didn’t exist--
people with crippling mental illnesses
who’d already lost the battle with themselves
(the soldiers wilted like petals; we sent them off
but ultimately they died of neglect.) I’ve learned

sadness is a monster that’s terrified
of other people, but it’s still with me
when they leave-- hiding between pages
of my notebook, at the bottom of my pill bottle,
in her throat every time she says it’s my own
fault. that’s what nightmares are made of;
empty rooms, broken orb eyes, the demons
you weren’t brave enough to kill on your own.

I only look tired because I haven’t slept
since I found out I was dying. I guess we’re all dying,
some of us are just better at it than others.
the future has already been written, and
I’m stuck here, trying to paint unbeautiful things
and make poems out of dirt and relapses. tell me
that scars aren’t special, tell me someone will love me
fully clothed and honest. I don’t remember
the last time I answered the question how are you
without lying. tell me loneliness isn’t a disease,
and that I have something good inside of me. tell me
what demons keep you up at night. tell me

what your world is made of, and
I’ll cry with you.
if we were a portrait,
you'd be the sunset 
and I'd be the dull brushstrokes
that never captured you right
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpsychosquatch:
psychosquatch Featured By Owner May 26, 2015
This is AMAZING!!! How the hell do you write like this? !
Reply
:icontorachoco:
torachoco Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014
It's clear you've something good inside of you; we've all been reading what you've made of it. As long as you keep writing so beautifully, whatever you write will have a positive light shone on it. Shades and empty rooms forever immortalized in and into the beauty that is your poetry. 
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I think I'm going to write a response to this. I'll mention you, of course. :heart:
Reply
:iconfallenfromthemoon:
fallenfromthemoon Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
"if we were a portrait,
you'd be the sunset 
and I'd be the dull brushstrokes
that never captured you right"
That is gorgeous. This poem is, too.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!!
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013
you inspire me.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:love:
Reply
:iconheylookitsvante:
heylookitsvante Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I only look tired because I haven’t slept 
since I found out I was dying.

this line is so perfect.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart:

Scars aren't special. Souls are, though, and yours is one of the most beautiful ones I've known.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
it took me a gopd while to learn that. thank you so much <3
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm glad you've learned it, no matter how long it took. :huggle:
Reply
:iconsaltwaterlungs:
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Damn it, you did it again.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconwaitingtobefree:
WaitingToBeFree Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013  Student General Artist
Oh. My. God. This is so fucking perfect and beautiful. You word everything so wonderfully. Heart
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:love: thank you~
Reply
:iconigneusluna:
IgneusLuna Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
Beautiful. The poem and the writer both. I've seen some great works here but this is the first that made me want to comment. Not to mention give you a big hug and tell you that you are not alone, and that you WILL find someone who loves you honest and fully clothed. Stay strong.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
you are so lovely <3
Reply
:iconadorael:
Adorael Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013   Digital Artist
It's beautiful, my favorite verse is "some of us are just better at it than others" :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconlivster47:
Livster47 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
From a person with experience...just think 'every cloud has a silver lining'...and then I think "well, one less day to go" :|
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Try and stay optimistic!
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013   Writer
This is definitely the best poem you've written so far.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: I'm honored you think so
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Student Writer
I just... you are just so... and it's all just.... I'm choked up a little bit because it's so much to me.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Student Writer
:love:
Reply
:iconcecilyrosemidnight:
CecilyRoseMidnight Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'll admit, your work is fantastic, and I would have favorited it anyway, but what really made me click that button was for the description of this poem.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm honored :love: thank you
Reply
:iconcecilyrosemidnight:
CecilyRoseMidnight Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! You deserve more watchers!
Reply
:icongniltsol:
gniltsol Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013
your words are like a storm... both terrible and yet so wonderful to behold...
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you, i think <3
Reply
:icon08budokai80:
08budokai80 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013
beautifully written. It's so tragic that I almost feel bad for liking it so much.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you <3
Reply
:iconforgottenfears:
ForgottenFears Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013
This is beautiful. Admittedly sad but still beautiful and well written. I can identify with at least part of it and the parts I can't identify with I can at least understand well enough to care. If you need to talk I'll be willing to listen.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much <3
Reply
:iconforgottenfears:
ForgottenFears Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconschneekrahe:
schneekrahe Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"I guess we’re all dying,
some of us are just better at it than others."

the simplicity of this makes it really bite and i absolutely love it gosh
this whole piece is gorgeous and you are completely wonderful i love you
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
one of these days i'm just going to marry you against your will
also, thank you
Reply
:iconschneekrahe:
schneekrahe Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you can't marry me against my will if i totally want to marry you whOOPS
also you're very very welcome <3
Reply
:iconstars-hide-fires:
stars-hide-fires Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this just cuts right to the core - brilliant work.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you <3
Reply
:icon914four:
914four Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"Our humanity rests upon a series of learned behaviors, woven together into patterns that are infinitely fragile and never directly inherited." - Margaret Mead 
Loneliness is not, alas, a disease, it is a state of mind. This, unfortunately, means there is no pill to cure it (although many exist that might give that impression). A good cat can, however, significantly alleviate the symptoms. 
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for the quote and the advice c: luckily, I have two cats
Reply
:icon914four:
914four Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, then I am greatly relieved :-)
"A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not." - Ernest Hemingway 
Reply
:iconaviangel-flycir:
AviAngel-Flycir Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is an incredible piece.  I love how you cut your sentences to fit the lines and rhythm of your stanzas and your subject matter is perfect.  Keep up the good work, you're awesome! :clap:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much!
Reply
:iconaviangel-flycir:
AviAngel-Flycir Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You are very most welcome :D
Reply
:iconwinkyfish:
winkyfish Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Student Artist
Help me. The favorite button only works once. D:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: :heart: :heart:
Reply
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November 3, 2013
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