Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
lately, i’ve been wasting every minute
choking on inevitabilities; wondering
how many times i’ll promise myself
this year i’ll be different until
i move on to something less
unattainable. truthfully, i’m just sorry
for the ones who still think
i’m trying

and i have been waiting an
ugly amount of years for my
prophetic completion-- a love like
i say you’re beautiful when really i mean
you make my heart stop, like
i was born to meet you or perhaps
i’m actually breaking some universal law
of equilibrium; loving something
so unnaturally
beautiful.

i want a love like that:
napkin poems, handwritten
and tender and accidental collisions
igniting a thousand forest fires
beneath my skin; me,

blossoming like a wildflower
on a california highway, basking
in the sun and ignored definition
of earthly limitations. i want to believe

that somewhere, there’s a boy
built of summer sunsets and shooting stars
for every homesick girl who never
quite fit in, that when he traces
patterns in her hands, he finds
something magical

that when he says i love you,
life would mean enough.
i'm still a romantic underneath all the awkwardness and cynicism and other garbage

(not sure on the ending)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconjhilam:
Jhilam Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014  Student General Artist
Amazing...
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!
Reply
:icontagatitig:
tagatitig Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This brought tears to my eyes. Your words are such moving words and if I can hug them I would. 
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
that means the world to me <3 thank you
Reply
:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the ending. I love the whole thing.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:iconlainloveplz: thank you!
Reply
:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure!
Reply
:iconpuddlesaregrowing:
puddlesaregrowing Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The last two lines say so much.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:iconkittykatmwuster:
KittykatMWuster Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The ending is perfect, really. And so is the rest of the poem :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! that means the world!
Reply
:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've taken so long to comment on this one because I've just been desperately trying to find something to say about it that wouldn't be worthless, but I can't think of anything, because it's just that tragic combination of hopeless and hopeful. But I needed to say something anyway because it's really well done. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"tragic combination of hopeless and hopeful" that, itself, is the loveliest thing I've read in a long while. Thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It is my pleasure. <3
Reply
:iconbrothergrimsvsd:
BrotherGrimSVSD Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Student Writer
This is...amazing and awesome and fantastic and wonderful and...beautiful.

If I had to sum it up with one word, that last one would probably be the one I'd use.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're so kind :love: thank you!
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013  Student Writer
I share every sentiment. This is lovely. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you are lovely, too :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2013   General Artist
BUT, BUT I'VE ALREADY GIVEN YOU HEART, WHAT DO I DO NOW? :tighthug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
LOVE ME FIVEVER :huggle:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013   General Artist
OH I LOVE YOU SIDEWAYS LEMNISCATE TIMES FIVEEVER :tighthug:
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"i want to believe

that somewhere, there’s a boy
built of summer sunsets and shooting stars
for every homesick girl who never
quite fit in, that when he traces
patterns in her hands, he finds
something magical

that when he says i love you,
life would mean enough."

Honestly, this poem reminds me of my husband. Beautiful job. :+favlove:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh that's just the most touching compliment I can think of :heart: thank you!
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2013  Student Writer
It's a very touching last two lines ^^ :tighthug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome =)
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Student Writer
CAN I JUST SAY I LOVE YOU?
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
PLEASE DO, THE FEELING IS MUTUAL :heart:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Student Writer
YAY. :heart:
Reply
:iconmoonstruckbyshadow:
moonstruckbyshadow Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This.. This right here. This is you to a tee. This is the girl who takes my breath away with words.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner May 31, 2013
or perhaps
i’m actually breaking some universal law
of equilibrium; loving something
so unnaturally
beautiful.

that somewhere, there’s a boy
built of summer sunsets and shooting stars
for every homesick girl who never
quite fit in


Good lord. I love you.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
the feeling is mutual :iconsuperheroglompplz:
Reply
:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner May 31, 2013
Another amazing poem. I really don't know how you do it. Every time your pen touches paper, magic is made. the middle two stanzas are absolutely wonderful. As far as the ending, I really enjoy it. I think the flavor of simplicity in the ending juxtaposes really well with the imagery and metaphors you employ so wonderfully in the rest of the work.

fave lines:
"i want a love like that:
napkin poems, handwritten
and tender and accidental collisions
igniting a thousand forest fires
beneath my skin"
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you are far too kind to me, thank you so much, I'm honored to know you like it :love:
Reply
:icongreenleo94:
greenleo94 Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I would say that the poem does just as well without the last two lines as with them, and maybe even a little bit better. :) Also maybe "california highways" instead of "californian?" I would also like to say that I loved that image. I grew up in Southern California, and miss all the flowers and trees everywhere.

Love this poem. :heart: I have a soft spot for romantic poetry.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i switched californian. i grew up in southern california, too c: i almost left the ending like that, but it felt too brief for me. endings are so difficult ;o;

thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:icongreenleo94:
greenleo94 Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ooo. What part? I'm from Brea.

Endings are difficult except for when they're not. :P Maybe like "something worth loving"? I think the phrasing is a bit awkward in the very last line somehow. Read out loud, it's kind of a mouthful. The transition between "mean" and "enough" is odd to me. Maybe that's what you're sensing?

You're very very welcome. :hug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i used to live around ventura county. oh, and I do see what you mean now. I'll think more about it and probably change it around later.

(was listening to a love song yesterday that was "falling asleep, asleep at the wheel as I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel if you could wake me up with only your touch, I could die with you, life would mean enough" and I thought 'i want a love like that' so i tried to recreate that in the final line :D heh)
Reply
:icongreenleo94:
greenleo94 Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh cool. California highway sorta reminded me of "Ventura Highway." ;)

What song is that? The entire poem resounds with that wistful yearning feeling. I think everyone, even if they don't admit it, want a love like that. I know I do. I think the feeling comes across strong enough without that specific last line to drive it home. It still deserves something strong, though. :D
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
it's called "cemetery"
(heh, that's a little morbid)
Reply
:icongreenleo94:
greenleo94 Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I don't mind morbid. :) I'll look it up.
Reply
:iconkarmacursed:
karmacursed Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, this is very well written and full of thought, but I do agree with you about the ending it seems a bit simple compared to the magnitude of the rest of the work. Nice jo. :clap:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for the feedback :heart:
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner May 31, 2013
This is absolutely beautiful. You were born to write. So happy to see your writing again! :huggle: :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're a sweetheart :huggle: thank you so much, I'm overjoyed to be writing regularly again
Reply
:iconsirlorcan:
SirLorcan Featured By Owner May 31, 2013
You know, guys who will be there for you when you need them and sacrifice for you are very scarce; I don't mean to be negative toward my fellow men but I the majority if guys are, for lack of a better word, jerks! Nevertheless there are those of us out there who want nothing more than a girl to love and be there for. Beautiful work. I love the part about finding magic in her hands. Yet again, another lovely work.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
quality people of any gender or sexuality are hard to come by; I really think the storybook kind of love comes from what people have in common and the work they're willing to put in. it's always wonderful to see from the perspective from a "good" guy like yourself :love: thank you so much!
Reply
:iconsirlorcan:
SirLorcan Featured By Owner May 31, 2013
Very true; I definitely agree. Thank you for the compliment.
And you are very welcome.
Reply
:iconpastmisfortunes:
PastMisfortunes Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The last two stanzas(?) are my favorite.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconintricately-ordinary: More from intricately-ordinary


Featured in Collections

All The Poets Come To Life by flummo

ENGLISH LANGUAGE by lombregrise

Literature by Copperfrost


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
May 30, 2013
File Size
1.4 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
809 (1 today)
Favourites
60 (who?)
Comments
59
×