there aren't words in the English language
to properly describe this loss. blackness.
blink out. fade out. go out. not
with a bang, but a whimper, your
thoughts won't unknot
from my own, i hear you in my dreams;
sleeping is my obituary for everyone
my antithesis, i'm so fucking terrified
you were right and that some part of me
needed you for a genuine reason.
emotion is not bottomless and you
are not forever. i miss you. i miss
how easily you made me cry. stale
mornings and birds that fly the wrong
direction are nothing compared to the way
you relit the world, birthing new stars
every time you touched something
you pretended to understand.
i never believed in your god, but i hope
you'll forward the prayers i sent
my earthly limitation, i'm sorry
you hurt so bad but i'm glad
it's directed at me. you should never
have to hold all that on your
own. emptiness cannot be ignored
or displaced; i wish i was better
at listening. tomorrow
will be better. tomorrow
we will be better.
my semicolons, goodbye is
the heaviest word caught on my
tongue. i can't speak without
thinking of you, i can't sing
without hearing you cry at night
when you thought everyone was asleep,
i can't watch the sunbeams fragment
on the pavement without remembering
how you fantasized about getting
out. one day; the hollow lies
painted on the walls were never enough.
the chalky sunsets promised us
a life worth living. one day;
never, never, never give up. even
famous philanthropists knew the
threshold we had lived on all
our lives. one day; i'm so sorry
i didn't write back. i'm so sorry
i failed you. that's the only promise
i've ever kept.