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:iconintricately-ordinary: More from intricately-ordinary


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All The Poets Come To Life by flummo

Treasured Literature by LadyLincoln

ENGLISH LANGUAGE by lombregrise


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Submitted on
August 10, 2013
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and now, I’m defined by the
confines of my body, the faults
I carry like misdemeanors against

the ones who translate me in
lines and curves and scars that read
look, but don’t touch. now, I’m

busy catching up in revolutions
around the sun and laps within
the indignity of my own mind;

swallowing travesties and memories alike—
the sun in your voice, brightening
me inside as I wake up and breathe

like an eclipsing star, my bones clanking
together like wind-chimes, my legs
giving out like ghost people

who’ve given up. this is beautiful, this
stripping of layers upon layers
of reality and pretending

I’m not ashamed to stand naked and
quivering before those who judge me
in impersonal numbers and figures

as though I were irrelevant, that I’m not
holding my breath in hopes I will
float away like a balloon, beyond

human comprehension, light and fading
like the handwritten notes and promises
scrawled across every inch of me,

just so I could be forgotten
when the next victim wages a war
against herself. I wonder, now,

if no one can carry all this weight,

how do I keep from drowning?
love me for my vulnerabilities
Add a Comment:
 
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The beginning of this is so brilliant...and I hope you realize that it's pretty universal too. You're not alone in how you feel.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :hug:
Reply
:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013  Student Writer
Powerful words, unmistakable in their intensity...your imagery is absolutely stunning m'dear.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :love:
Reply
:iconnancie-x:
nancie-x Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, amazing. Intense throughout the whole thing.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much!
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, this is gorgeous.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
as are you :heart:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:huggle:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think this would make a great spoken word piece.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I need to start reading more of my poetry
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think so
Reply
:iconnevergivingup0:
NeverGivingUp0 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I love everything about this poem! Beautifully written and the style continues to emphasize the text. Well done! The epitome of poetry!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, what a compliment. Thank you!
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013  Student Writer
Just gorgeous, dah-ling.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank youuu <3
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome. :heart:
Reply
:iconxxxmusicninjaxxx:
xXxMusicNinjaxXx Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is amazing. Great job. Definitely earned a favorite and a watch. :) Great job. 
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're too kind! :huggle:
Reply
:iconxxxmusicninjaxxx:
xXxMusicNinjaxXx Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You definitely deserve it. I can't wait to see more of your work. 
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Student Writer
yes. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
like an eclipsing star, my bones clanking
together like wind-chimes, my legs
giving out like ghost people

^best stanza
I also really love how this one has so few sentence breaks, and is rather strung together by commas and other, briefer pauses than periods - it really gives it a sort of breathless feeling, like you're struggling to get it all out at once (and hearkening back to the heavy lungs of the title). Well done, as usual. c:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
your comments are always so much more coherent than the thoughts I put into writing, haha, thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You forgot I once just posted 'aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' instead of a real comment, so I don't know about that. ;D But you're welcome. <3
Reply
:iconthepoetboy:
thepoetboy Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
another beautiful poem, dear♥
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks, beautiful you <3
Reply
:iconthepoetboy:
thepoetboy Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
my pleasure sweetheart ♥
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Student General Artist
my bones clanking
together like wind-chimes
... :heart:

This whole thing is really amazing.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: thank you so much!
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013  Student General Artist
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconis-lnds:
Is-lnds Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013
the artist comments.
you speak my mind
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: glad to know someone feels the same
Reply
:iconis-lnds:
Is-lnds Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013
:hug:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Student Writer
I love how disjointed and yet cohesive this is, it's like lead weights attached by a single strand of thread that's hoping someone will pull it up before it snaps and I want to gather it all up and watch as it turns to gold.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the way you described that, thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Student Writer
:tighthug: You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Damn.

I keep running out of words to say on your work because quite frankly you take the breath out of me and it's hard to get it back.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ahhhh thank you so much :tighthug:
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is so so pretty. :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :love:
Reply
:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013
you have a way of making these pieces that feel like an internal dialogue and yet are so universal in appeal. that's an uncommon ability.  beautiful, as always. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is one of the best compliments I've ever received :love: thank you
Reply
:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013
you are very, very welcome :heart:
Reply
:iconpalaeochannel6:
palaeochannel6 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013
I agree. That is rare form.

Well done.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: :heart: you're too lovely
Reply
:iconsocksid:
SockSid Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013
Thank you. I can't put into words how much this is racking at my emotions, teared them out so they bleed. Now I feel open and happy. Close to tears but fulfilled in a way you could never imagine.

Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh wow, I'm honored this was so emotional for you. Thank you.
Reply
:iconmountainmew:
MountainMew Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Student Writer
I really love the seventh stanza. I have no idea why, but it has such a wonderful use of words. Nothing else really stand out to me in this, but I really do like the language use for the most part. It's a nice poem.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for the feedback.
Reply
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