Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
today is a six-word story:
I’m tired of waking up
dead.

soon,
I will peel back your
every insecurity and anxiety
and watch them fall to the floor
like vodka petals, regurgitated mosaics,

soon,
I will see you naked and
reborn and you will break apart
into passive aggressive poetic
dedications and unsent letters and
sour breaths,

soon,
I will hate and love you
for the very same reasons and

then,
I will move on.
experimental: a realistic love poem
Add a Comment:
 
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013  Student Writer
"I will see you naked and 
reborn and you will break apart
into passive aggressive poetic 
dedications and unsent letters and
sour breaths"


your experimental is gorgeous and inspiring.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: you're lovely
Reply
:iconlawlessness45:
Lawlessness45 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Expresses how so many romances play out. Excellent job capturing life within this poem.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much <3
Reply
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It only goes on for so long - eventually, something much more pure comes along and reality takes a backseat. :heart: I always bear reality in mind, though
and I always love truth (and you).
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you
Reply
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It is my continuing pleasure :bow:
Reply
:iconieatrosepetals:
ieatrosepetals Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello!
Your absolutely amazing poem has been featured here -> kuriakyuuketsuki.deviantart.co…
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're so wonderful! <3 i can't wait to see the other works featured
Reply
:iconieatrosepetals:
ieatrosepetals Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're more wonderful! :heart:
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2013
sounds about right.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I’m tired of waking up
dead.


me, too

great work! :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconnikkinoonarr:
NikkiNoonarr Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
Beautiful, especially;
'you will break apart
into passive aggressive poetic
dedications and unsent letters and
sour breaths'.
You are very talented, and a joy to read.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:love: thank you so much
Reply
:iconnikkinoonarr:
NikkiNoonarr Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013
Your welcome ^.^
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013   Writer
Actually, I think you need to slam a because before that first stanza and tack the whole thing on the bottom of the poem:

then,
I will move on
because

today is a six word story:
I'm tired of waking up dead.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i hadn't thought of arranging it like that. hmm. i might change it. thank you very much for the feedback!
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013   Writer
You might hate it but it seems everybody likes that section so it may do better as an ending.

Good luck! :heart:
Reply
:iconberlinbuenosayres:
berlinBuenosAyres Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013
i have to agree with many others here, the first stanza is indeed amazing. i don't think the rest is up to it though, it kills the poem for me.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for the feedback
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Student General Artist
The first stanza is amazing <3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much <3
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Student General Artist
Welcome!
Reply
:iconintrasect:
IntraSect Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013
Epilogue:

[link]


(It is not truly the end.)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconfox-ninja97:
fox-ninja97 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Student Writer
With just that first stanza, I'm apprehensive and eager for the next line.

I keep telling myself to stop, cause it hurts and it's probably not good for my sanity, but I can't because the way your words tangle up with emotion and knot up in the heart (not just in this poem but in ALL of your poems) is addictive.

This is beautiful. Please don't ever stop writing :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you are far too kind, thank you so much for your support. :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Student Writer
This is incredibly striking... It reaches deeply. :iconclappingplz:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"I'm tired of waking up dead."

But you're not. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
there are varying degrees of dead haha
Reply
:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think everyone can relate to that first stanza.

This is gorgeous and powerful and I love it.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :love:
Reply
:iconinterrogateme:
InterrogateMe Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013   Writer
I love this, it's very well written. I love the build up to the last line, it's beautiful. <3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm honored to hear that, thank you <3
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That last line really jarred me. Wonderful. :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome. :)
Reply
:iconsummonaconjurer:
Summonaconjurer Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
I really love the phrase 'vodka petals'; it's beautiful! great poem
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! <3
Reply
:iconthypoetsorcerer:
ThyPoetSorcerer Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful. I love how it all builds up to that smack of finality on the last line.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconhalf-pixieman:
half-pixieman Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Student Writer
I wish all love poems were as realistic as yours, thank you for writing this.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for being so lovely <3
Reply
:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
like vodka petals, regurgitated mosaics,
This is such intriguing imagery, well done.
Also this:
and you will break apart
into passive aggressive poetic
dedications and unsent letters and
sour breaths,

Sorry my comment is not up to par today, I have had too long a day to be coherent, but well done as usual. <3
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much <3 you're absolutely lovely
Reply
:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
<3 thank you then.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconintricately-ordinary: More from intricately-ordinary


Featured in Collections

Literature by JayDanjerCobain

All The Poets Come To Life by flummo

Treasured Literature by LadyLincoln


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
July 13, 2013
File Size
667 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
995
Favourites
70 (who?)
Comments
56
×