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above half-hearted streetlights and industrial flooding
and vague misinterpretations, I cut
a little too deep.


it always comes to this; hungry shivers,
dry voices, heavy breaths as your eyes
fixate upon a set point in the distance
which you label as happiness, a nirvana
in plain view but too far

for your rubber legs to take you there.

back then we were theorists developing
a new frontier; we were two dreamers,
two corpses on a collision course in
the desperate season. you warned me
there weren’t enough words to say
beautiful; as it turns out, we
were a slip of the tongue.


I woke this morning
a butterfly. you would like
the sun pouring through my wings and
the feathers collecting
at the foot of my bed.
"i don't know what this is and neither will you"
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkillzonekrissy:
killzonekrissy Featured By Owner May 25, 2014
amazing. <3
"back then we were theorists developing
a new frontier; we were two dreamers,
two corpses on a collision course in
the desperate season."

Just completely incredible.  Damn.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much. i was so in love with that stanza when i wrote it.
Reply
:iconbookwormmk:
BookWormMK Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's been a long time since I read a poem I could feel in my stomach. Thank you for this one.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013  Student Writer
I can imagine this being read aloud.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I should start reading poetry again
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Student Writer
please do :la:
Reply
:iconlawlessness45:
Lawlessness45 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"fixate upon a set point in the distance
which you label as happiness, a nirvana
in plain view but too far"

this struck me as terribly truthful. Always seeking somewhere else, thinking it will lead to happiness...but, once we've reached it, finding it is farther away then we thought...or perhaps it moves, and we chase  after it...like a child trying to recapture a lost balloon. 

Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i think that's a perfect metaphor :heart:
Reply
:iconlawlessness45:
Lawlessness45 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your poetry just seems to inspire me. I actually just posted a poem using that line. And credited you for the inspiration. If you want to read it here it is. lawlessness45.deviantart.com/a… Sorry if the link doesn't work. I'm still figuring deviant art out. :) But at any rate, thanks for the inspiration.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
aww, you're lovely! :heart: it's wonderful
Reply
:iconlawlessness45:
Lawlessness45 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That you for your inspiration! :)
Reply
:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my, the things that came to mind :faint: :heart:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
as it turns out, we were a slip of the tongue
--really liked that

smirked at the artist's comment because I'm pretty sure I've said that about one of my pieces before too, haha.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you <3

and hehehe yes the reason i quoted it is because i stole it from you :blush:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
^^; well, no wonder it sounded so familiar.
Reply
:iconnevarware:
Nevarware Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Is this brainspew?

I dislike the repetition of and in the first stanza. The combination of talk about physical state and locations is comfortable, though.
Actually, I'm starting to feel the first stanza is out of place, but not in the same gentle tone-setting way the last stanza is decidedly different from the rest.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
no, this isn't brainspew. this is me trying to visualize an idea i had in my head and add emotions to it.
Reply
:iconpaconidas:
paconidas Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
amazing poem
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much <3
Reply
:iconlombregrise:
lombregrise Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Professional Writer
I love this :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much :love:
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
But never stop trying to get there. :heart: That's really when things are lost, when we give up.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
that's so true :heart:
Reply
:iconpoofypo-x:
poofypo-x Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
This touched me deeply :heart:
Would you like to share your work at #ArtWorldWide? We would love it! :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! and i would gladly check out your group (:
Reply
:iconpoofypo-x:
poofypo-x Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
You're welcome! :D
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student Writer
Oh my goodness. :heart: This is just amazing.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ahh thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013  Student Writer
You are welcome! :heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student Writer
What it feels like, is like a broken promise... once full of wonder, yet... not fulfilled.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Student Writer
:glomp:
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
we were two dreamers, 
two corpses on a collision course in
the desperate season.

:love:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:huggle:
Reply
:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my God, look at all the spam. That must be annoying. :|

:hug: This is perfect. practically all you write is perfection. People can just relate to your words and they're always written beautifully.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i try to take spam as a compliment :dummy:

you're so sweet, thank you :huggle:
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013   Writer
Beautiful, darling. It's just a shame that many of the comments left here are spam. No, I disagree! 
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ahaha they're all the same spam too xD thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013   Writer

No, I disagree! 

 

You're welcome!

Reply
:iconsnowjoe72:
snowjoe72 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
Great, that is what it is.... Just like everything else you do! :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconsnowjoe72:
snowjoe72 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
You're welcome of course! :)
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013   Writer
Stop writing so many poems that I can fall in love with so easily! Aaaah I just want to steal your talent (just kidding). :love:

this is probably one of the best poems I've ever read on this site, because I actually felt like a part of me was in it. I've only had that feeling a handful of times.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
it's always an honor to know someone else has felt the same :huggle: thank you so much, you're wonderful
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013   Writer
it definitely is. I really wish I could write something like that/this someday, but I'm nowhere near close to being able to. :shrug:
you're ever so welcome. (: you're wonderful yourself! :tighthug:
Reply
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