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:iconintricately-ordinary: More from intricately-ordinary


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All The Poets Come To Life by flummo

Literature by Copperfrost

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Submitted on
July 7, 2013
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we are the ones they write
pseudo-teenage erotic thrillers for,
about adventure and love and
determination we will never
know. this is

our summer romance on the rocks,
dry and lonely. your ribcage is
an empty beach on a stony morning
[vacant, gritty]; a hideaway for
hopeless dreamers like me.

you moved here a few years back
to get away from your shadow,
but the sun never sets and
I’m beginning to think

maybe this is just another coffeehouse story,
and we are the monotone plot-movers
they never gave a name.
i'm sorry if this is sloppy

inspiration is hard to come by and i've taken to using the mismatched scraps of me
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:iconnevarware:
Nevarware Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
This piece definitely has a very specific charm to it - in the way it uses very strong minimalist implicit characterisation. (Meaning that the audience is clearly encouraged to try to get a feel for what it means to be the characters, but are also purposefully denied the more superficial information they're used to having as indicators to make such judgements with.)

From a very detached perspective, this has some really interesting narrative technique going on in it that I think you could probably do a lot more with if you wrote with that specifically in mind. (Or at the very least it makes a decent writing exercise!)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for the feedback! to be honest, i hadn't put a lot of thought into the narration, just the story and its descriptions. you're absolutely right, though. i'm going to experiment more with that as i write in the future (:
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Student Writer
Your wonderful piece of literary work has been featured in my journal, here. I would love it if you could take a look at the other pieces featured and support the lovely artists like yourself! Thank you for being so amazing! :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
wow, you are far too lovely :heart: i cannot wait to look at the other work featured
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Student Writer
Awww. :heart: I hope you enjoy!
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:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I just want to read this over and over...I mean, you caught such a beautiful concept. Each line, each stanza hits me with a new layer of theme...to me, your supposed "mismatched scraps" seem to overlap and allow this poem to evolve in meaning and idea. :heart: I love that ending--the way you tied it all together in such a lovely way from that fantastic opening to this.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you are so kind :love: thank you so much!
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:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome, my friend. :)
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:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Student Writer
Mm not so sure about the ending, but I like what this is getting at. On a lighter note, I have had a lot of quintessential teenage experiences and they make me feel alive.

Your mismatched scraps come together beautifully. :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
yeah, i have a feeling i might just scrap this in its entirety later on.

thank you for your feedback :heart:
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