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there's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.

she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"

in that moment,
we forget to exist.
"that's kind of a depressing thought

if no one loved you

would you mean anything?" -Brent

(I'm trying to perfect the art of short poems, I know I'm not quite there)

edit: DLD [link]
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:iconnikkinoonarr:
NikkiNoonarr Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
The first two lines are incredible, as a whole, its amazing. This has a beautiful sadness to it.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm honored to hear that :heart:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013   General Artist
so happy to see this with a DLD! :love:
congratulations, maddiedoll! :huggle:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much :tighthug:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2013   General Artist
but of course, oh, beautiful and brilliant soul! :iconsquishhugplz: :heart: :heart: :heart:
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:iconpomohippie7:
pomohippie7 Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013   Writer
Congratulations on your DLD! :clap:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! it's such an honor! :heart:
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:iconpomohippie7:
pomohippie7 Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013   Writer
You're very welcome! It was well earned. :)
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Student Writer
there's an infinity in this, or maybe it's because that last line left me wanting the way Perks of Being a Wallflower did. great work. :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ahh, thank you :love:
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:iconlancelotprice:
LancelotPrice Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013
Yes we do and yes we did, even if we only loved them and even if not. We mean something to ourselves, and that counts first among all the possibilities.


----
Brilliant first two lines. :)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'd sure like to believe so, and thank you very much :heart:
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:iconlombregrise:
lombregrise Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Professional Writer
congrats for your dld!
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here dailylitdeviations.deviantart....
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ahh thank you so much <3
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:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013  Student Writer
"like planets unremembered" :heart:

Such a torturous thought. I'm plagued by it constantly. :(

(And I think you're doing brilliantly. ;))
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're so kind, thank you :love:
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I was captured by the first line. Then, you compared the dark circles of her eyes to planets and I was just gone... perhaps to poet heaven. Your pieces are always like liquid honey to the mind!! It is always such a pleasure to view and analyze. This piece in particular was a joy: You have released such agony in the form of blatant beauty. I really hope to someday reach such a level :rose:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh wow this is just the loveliest comment, thank you so much for all the praise; and let me assure you, if you are not at that level now you are damn close. thank you again :heart:
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad the comment could be appreciated! :rose: most often I will always feel that I didn't describe or express things right.

Thank you, as well, for such a lovely compliment. I really do hope I continue to strive for it! It's been one of my goals ever since I started writing. As for everything else: you are most certainly welcome! I am always so impressed with your work; I apologize for only getting around to leaving some comments now. Hopefully the future will leave you some more from me! I definitely look forward to reading more of your work, that's for sure :love:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2013   General Artist
you bleed beauty :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ack, my heart :heart:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013   General Artist
:iconloveyou4everplz:
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:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner May 30, 2013   Writer
This piece has been featured in #The-Asterismos' weekly Showcase [here].

Please support your fellow featured deviants, and thank you for sharing your wonderful work with the group! :thanks: :heart:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
these are such lovely pieces <3 i can't wait to read through them
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:iconautumn-spirit:
autumn-spirit Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
"she's like a story that's already been told." beautiful wording, though melancholy, it's definitely vivid and hypnotic.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm honored to hear that :heart:
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:iconwaitingtobefree:
WaitingToBeFree Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Student General Artist
so haunting and beautiful...wow. amazingly written too!
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you!
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:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is absolutely lovely and lonely and sad.
thank you for writing this. <3
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for being so lovely :heart:
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:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank *you* for being so lovely!
Reply
:iconsomethingsophie:
somethingsophie Featured By Owner May 23, 2013   Writer
Mmmmh that closing bit. I haven't seen a ton of short poems from you, but I'd say this one is just as striking as a lot of your longer ones.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so glad to hear that. I don't write a lot of short poems because, honestly, I'm long-winded and ramble too often. Creating meaning in a few words is difficult for me
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:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your words are so effective. The first and last lines of the first stanza tied up together with this wonderful and salty, raw, throat-cutting feeling. Gosh.
I like this part especially:
"dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered".
I even think that the first stanza alone can carry itself. But that's my opinion and I'm stupid. The rest of the poem is very beautiful too.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
don't call yourself stupid :stare:

and thank you, I respect you and your beautiful writing so much that this comment means the world to me :heart: you're lovely :tighthug:
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:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Lol, okay! :iconcalmdownplz:

You're very welcome :hug: you're a stunning writer. Says Iyra for the fiftieth time.
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:iconkarmacursed:
karmacursed Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is really quite well done. the only thing I'd suggest is taking 'and' off of the end of the fourth line. I seems like the poem flows well with or without it. If you really want to put a word in there I'd drop it to the next line and start it with 'There is' or 'There's.' Just my :twocents:. Anyway like I said well done. :+fav:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
what cute pennies! thank you for advice, I certainly see what you mean, and your feedback means the world :love:
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:iconkarmacursed:
karmacursed Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah the old two cents. one of the old emoticons on the site. Not too many people know about it. :)
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Student Writer
:tighthug: Perfection will never be for imperfect beings, but honey, I think you're as close as can be.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're so kind :huggle:
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Student Writer
:glomp: Only to those kind in return =)
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:iconrandomphilosopher:
randomphilosopher Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ARDANBRDRD HOW DO YOU... :glomp:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
SDALGKLSGDS :tighthug:
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:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner May 21, 2013
I daresay you have perfected it. At least here. Every line is pregnant, full of wonder. The first two lines are amazing, they draw you in and hold you captive. I really,really, really, love this.

Favorite lines: "dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered"

just wonderful. This poem elicits such sadness, in a beautifully despairing way.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so absolutely delighted to hear so, that was all I'd hoped for and more! Thank you :love:
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:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're there. Trust me.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
gahhhh you're too lovely
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